Randy the Sunshine Happy Decepticon
by ManiacTHP
Summary: G1 The Decepticons have to cope with a new Happy Decepticon named Randy Chapter 12: Operation Lovebot
1. Megatron has issues

This story is based off of a old RPG charector of mine. Set in G1.

* * *

Once, on planet Cybertron, there was a Decepticon.

But not just any Decepticon.

His name was Randy.

The other Decepticons tried not to mind him too much, but when Randy started planting flowers around the base, they decided to do one thing.

Send him to Earth.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"GRR!" Shouted Megatron. He was in a bad mood, again. He was always in a bad mood, sometimes without a reason. But today he had a reason.

"WHERE IS MY GUN?" He raged, knocking Decepticons into walls.

BAM!

He broke a very large chair over a very large table. Then he realized it had his coffee on it. The large oversized novelty coffee mug with a frowny face on it lay broken on the floor. He had rightfully stolen it from an old lady crossing the street. When she had tried to fight back, he had simply stomped on her.

But that wasn't the point.

"CLEAN THAT UP!" He yelled, shaking with rage. A nervous random Decepticon quickly bent down and started cleaning up.

"YOU'RE UGLY AND I HATE YOU!" he shouted again. Shouting made him feel better.

"Megatron sir, "Starscream interrupted, "There seems to be a message from Cybertron..."

"BRING IT ONLINE YOU TWIT!" Megatron shouted again.

"You got transmissions" the computer droned.

And then, like the sound of a thousand people saying the word "Blip" the message came on.

A Decepticon looked at Megatron onscreen.

"We have...good news" he said.

"WHAT!" Megatron shouted.

"We're sending you a new recruit!"

"I DON'T NEED ANYMORE RECRUITS!"

"Well Sir I..."

Sounds of whisperings where heard on the other end.

"I erm...he's uh...."

whisper whisper

"A special...guy! The best around...and stuff" The Decepticon lied.

Megatron didn't really care, he just wanted to shout some more and break things. And then make others clean it up while he insulted them.

"WHAT DOSE HE DO!" Megatron shouted, a little louder to add some flavor to it.

"Um...he kills things"

"SEND HIM OVER!"

"YES! I mean....goodbye!"

And with the sound of a thousand people saying the word "Blip" the message ended.

Megatron left swiftly to his room where he threw darts at a picture of Optimus Prime for a good hour before breaking more things.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Much later, a ship descended from the sky and landed by the Decepticon base. The hatch opened and a blue transformer stepped out. Mad cheers erupted from inside the ship as it quickly left.

Megatron, having found his gun and repaired his novelty coffee mug, was in a semi good mood.

He shot a random soldier for "Being to smug" and another for "Being to quiet" When they both protested he simply shot them again.

Oh well.

Megatron had other important duties. Like seeing what was so special about this "New recruit"

"WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" He shouted to the new guy.

"My name..." he said pleasantly, "Is Randy. What a nice day"

Megatron acted like someone slapped him in the face. A positive Decepticon? Most where put on meds to prevent mass suicides.

"I think," Randy continued, "A few flowers will really brighten this place up"

Megatron gasped, which was new to him. He quickly rand and grabbed a medic.

"HE'S WEIRD! FIX HIM!" he shouted. He broke a chair for good measure.

After a few minutes, the medic declared that Randy has a clean bill of health and there is nothing wrong with him.

So Megatron shot him. And shot him again for good measure. And then he broke a computer. The computer started crying, so Megatron shot it too. Then he went to throw more darts at the wall before retiring for the rest of the night.

* * *

R&R. More to come soon. 


	2. Of muffins and NSYNC

On with chapter 2!!

* * *

Megatron woke up the next day.

He wanted to dismiss the utterly random mishaps of yesterday. But those annoying little voices called "Memory" decided to make an appearance.

They promptly reminded him that a crazed over happy Decepticon was in their mist.

And it made Megatron mad.

He felt like shouting and breaking things. Most of all be wanted to "bust a cap" upside Optimus Prime's head.

He laughed evilly at the thought.

And he did it again to make a point.

He made his way out the room to maybe get some coffee before starting a hard day of being evil.

But something was.....odd.

He stopped in mid evil thought.

Something smelled......nice?

Megatron quickly raced to the kitchen.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"Good morning Megatron" Randy said happily. In his hands he had...

A muffin tray?

"I baked them for breakfast" he explained. "I put my love and happiness into each one so that they may make people feel jolly and happy inside."

Randy was wearing a white apron with "PAY THE COOK" written in large friendly letters on it.

In his hands he held a muffin tray filled with pink, slightly glowing muffins.

"They're Energon-berry" he said.

He held one up. "Nibbles?"

Megatron snatched it away.

"The word "LOVE" is forbidden here!" He snapped. "Unless used in a way such as, "I LOVE TO HATE THINGS!"

"Oh come on..." Randy said. "What you need is a nice big hug!"

Randy placed his muffins on a table.

And he hugged Megatron.

"I like yyyoouuuuuuu ....." He said gleefully.

"GET OFF ME BEFORE I SHOOT YOU" Megatron shouted

"Nope" Randy said, holding tighter.

As Megatron struggled to get Randy off his body, other Decpticons started betting to see how long Randy will be able to hold on.

"Five minutes!"

"No way, I say 2!"

"10 bucks says Megatron shoots him"

With one mighty 360 spin from Megatron, Randy lost his grip upon the horrified leader.

Megatron ran away screaming, dashed into his room, and slammed the door shut. Noises of things breaking were heard as a rather large hole was blasted into the wall.

"HA! Pay up sucka!" Soundwave grinned as Brawl handed him a 20 dollar bill.

"I think..." Randy continued as he picked himself up." he needs a little love"

"Yeah, I guess..." said Skywarp as he munched on a muffin.

"I shall not let him rest in till I have made him happy!" Randy vowed.

The others started laughing at the thought of a "Happy" Megatron in till a rather large and angry elephant fell from the ceiling and crushed three of the Constructions.

In a fit of randomness, the computer started playing dark and sad poetry over the loudspeakers in till the computer committed digital suicide.

Anyway...

Randy walked around in till he came across a door. On it was a sign.

**Brooding room!**

**Do Not Enter If You Are An Autobot. Autobots Will Be Stabbed, Beaten, and Shot. Survivors Will Be Shot Again.**

So Randy entered the room.

On the wall was a large poster that said...

"**Smile! At least you're not an Autobot!"**

A few Decepticons gathered around a rather large table with a map on it.

"Heehee, were goanna blow up the Autobots!" One said.

"I feel so evil; I can market it for 30 bucks for a 5 ounce jar!" Yet another one said.

Randy walked up and peered at the map.

"What are you fellows doing" He asked.

One turned around.

"Oh, were just goanna destroy the Autobots and take their Energon" he said.

"Nothing really new." Another Said.

"Well that doesn't sound very nice..." Randy said.

"But we're Decepticons; we're not really supposed to be happy. It just defies the whole point of being a Decepticon if we were nice." the other replied.

Randy thought for a second.

"I know what will cheer you all up!" Randy said gleefully.

And then he started to sing...

"**_When the visions around you, bring tears to your eyes. And all that surrounds you are secrets and lies!"_**

The others turned and looked at him with horrified glances.

Randy danced around the room, hugging random Decepticons along the way.

"_**I'll be your strength, I'll give you hope, keeping your faith when it's gone. The one you should call, was standing here all along....."**_

Oh god, is he singing.... NSYNC!" one gasped.

"**_And I will take, you in my arms. And hold you right where you belong. 'Till the day when life is through. This I promise you....this I promise you_**...." Randy sang louder.

"MAKE IT STOP!" a random Decepticon screamed.

Decepticons were pounding their heads off of hard objects while screaming, trying to drown out the singing.

A few were trying to get out the windows, but they forgot the fact that they are giant robots who couldn't fit through a window.

Some tried anyway.

"_**I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before. And I promise you never, will you hurt anymore. I give you my word....." **_

"RUN AWAY!"

They ran toward the exit, but Randy danced in the way and blocked the exit.

"**_I give you my heart; this is a battle we've won. And with this vow, forever has now begun... Just close your eyes, each loving day. And know this feeling won't go away. _**

**_'Till the day when life is through. This I promise you...this I promise you....." _**Randy sang loudly as he hugged those to slow to run away.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Megatron just happened to pass by as he heard agonized screams coming from the brooding room.

He rushed over and pried open the door to find....

Randy singing.

Badly.

A few imploded Decepticon heads lay littered across the room.

Still others were trying feebly to crawl away from the carnage.

"**_Over and over I fall, when I hear you call. Without you in my life baby, I just wouldn't be living at all... I've loved you forever, and I will take, you in my arms. And hold you right where you belong....."_**

Randy was placing brightly colored flowers all over the room while singing loudly.

Megatron gasped.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!" He yelled.

But Randy sang louder.

"**_'Till the day when life is through, this I promise you. Baby just close your eyes, each loving day. I know this feeling won't go away. Every word I say is true, this I promise you, every word I say is true, this I promise you... oh, I promise you_**..."

Then he hugged Megatron.

"Hello there Meggy-chan" Randy said happily.

Megatron screamed and hurled Randy out of the room.

He then waved his arm wildly above his head as he raced from the room while screaming bloody murder.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"What's up with Megatron?" Randy wondered.

"I dunno" Replied one of the last remaining computers before sobbing uncontrollably.

"Oh really now?" Randy replied.

"Yes" The computer sobbed.

"Why are you so unhappy?" Randy asked the depressed computer.

"Because no one ever cares about me, it's always, "Computer! Bring up these files!" or "Computer! Aim cannons toward Autobot base" The computer said miserably.

"I see..." Randy said.

"It's never, "Good job Computer!" It's always "Do this! And Do that, and never do they thank me." The computer droned on.

"Well, haven't you ever thought about getting some help?" Randy suggested.

"Not really" The computer sobbed.

"Well, maybe you should get away from here for a bit.." Randy suggested.

"I suppose, I really should go on a vacation..." The computer said.

"Yes! And you can finally find your purpose in life!" Randy said happily.

"Really!?!" The computer asked.

"Yup! And you can go to the Bahamas; I heard it's really nice this time of year." Randy happily stated.

"I feel you may be right!" The computer shouted jubilantly. "I have a new view on life! I love everything on god's green earth! I know now what I must do to finally be happy! I never felt better!"

"That's great!" Randy said, "But before you go, have a muffin I baked. It's warm and fresh."

Randy stuffed a muffin into the computer's CD drive.

Sparks flew out of the drive as the computer malfunctioned.

The computer, unable to read or understand that a muffin was wedged inside itself, promptly blew itself up.

All that remained after awhile, was a charred shell of a computer, still slightly smoking.

And a slightly burnt disk labeled "Angst drive" lay forgotten on the cement floor.

And all that remained was silence, except the occasional spark or two.

"Have a nice trip!" Randy called out.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

It was the aftermath.

Most of the other Decepticons were either dieing or dead, so Megatron screamed at some medics to fix them.

He shot one to get the message across and soon most of the Decepticons survived.

Cyclonus suffered severe emotional trauma. He locked himself in his room and refused to talk to anyone while he wrote sad poetry and cried into some large tissues.

Starscream was worse off. He hid himself in the closet and demanded that Megatron find the green giant alien penguins in his head and make them stop quacking Hamlet quotes.

Kickback however, survived by gnawing off one of his legs.

The remaining Constructicons were simply driven to insanity and had to be strapped into straight jackets to keep from trying walk through the walls.

The rest were either reduced to gibbering masses or so traumatized they had too be placed on liquid Prozac 24 hours a day.

But Randy was happy.

In fact, he was so happy; he gave each and every Decepticon a nice big hug.

And he gave them a fresh batch of Energon-muffins.

"Are you sure...he has Decepticon programming?" Megatron asked a medic.

The medic said yes so Megatron shot him.

"CLEAN THAT UP!" He screamed.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Meanwhile, Randy sat outside as the sun shined most beautifully.

It was....a very nice happy day.

The birds sang happily among the tree branches.

Squirrels were making little squirrels.

A few shouts were heard from the medical bay as crazed Decepticons told inanimate objects to shut up.

And a few holes were blasted out of the side when said objects wouldn't stop talking.

But Randy didn't mind that very much.

"What an odd bunch..." He thought.

He picked a flower and smelled it.

My, it was a nice day.

"I suppose...." He said.

"I should bake some more muffins"

* * *

R&R people! 


	3. The joys of mass confusion

Randy walkes in and sat down on a rolly chair. He places on a pair of glasses and reads from the cue card in front of him.

"Maniac dose not own Transformers" he said. "Nor dose she wish to be sued."

He shuffled some papers on the desk in front of him.

"Please enjoy this fic, because if you don't, a flower dies somewhere in the world. And you don't want that, do you."

Randy polishes his glasses. He looks at the screen in front of him.

"Roll em!"

* * *

**About one week later in Canada hours**

Most of the Decepticons have recovered well from insanity in the last week.

All except for Starscream, because he was always a little loony before Randy's arrival.

He remained slightly paranoid and used a mirror to check around corners just to make sure the penguins haven't found him yet.

Kickback got himself a nice new leg courtesy of Microsoft. Unfortunately, his leg kept on "crashing", so he was forced to get a Dell leg.

But the Dell leg saved documents better and rarely got any viruses.

And it all worked out for him.

Randy however, still remained chipper and jolly much to the horror of the other Decepticons.

The few remaining computers were just as sad and depressed as ever, sometimes retreating to the cyber universe and refusing to talk to anybody.

Oh well.

"Helloooooo Meggy-chan!" Randy chirped happily.

Megtron sighed.

"Stop calling me Meggy-chan, or I will be forced to splatter your brains on the wall." Megatron growled angrily.

Randy grinned, gave Megatron a hug, and skipped away before Megatron could pull out his blaster and blow off his head.

"I HOPE YOU DIE!" Megatron screamed.

He blasted a hole in the wall.

It made him feel better.

He made his way to the Brooding room while his mind devised a way to kill Randy without making it look like murder.

He laughed loudly.

And promptly ran into a wall.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Randy skipped over to the med bay where a medic was giving a Decepticon some liquid Prozac.

"Hello" Randy said.

The medic cringed, and so did the patient.

Randy smiled.

The medic slowly backed away.

Randy kept on smiling.

The medic kept on backing away.

"I like you!" Randy shouted suddenly.

He threw himself across the room and hugged the medic.

The medic and the patient-con screamed and ran outside the room.

"BAD TOUCH" Screamed the medic and ran promptly into the nearest wall, causing him to forget the reason why he was running away.

But he was soon reminded.

"Heellllooooo!!!" Randy grinned like a maniac and started chasing the medic.

"I want to hug yooouuu!" He shouted.

After a good five minutes of chasing around, the medic saved himself by locking himself in the broom closet and curling up in a fetal position.

"What's up with him?" Randy wondered.

The only response he got was the intense sobbing of a random computer.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Randy walked back to the med-bay and looked around the room.

His optics went wide and shiny with joy.

Buttons!

Lots of pretty, shiny buttons.

Red ones, blue ones, some shaped like animal crackers.

Randy ran over and started pressing buttons with delight.

"What's this do!"

He pressed a big yellow one..

Unknown to him, he just activated the main plasma cannons.

He pressed another button with glee.

The cannon fired, and promptly took out a small city in Mexico.

He pressed a blue button.

This time the cannons took out a children's play ground

Having no place to play, the children played in open grassy fields' in till they were eaten by a passing flying moose.

The moose choked to death on a rather bony child and fell to his doom in the piranha pit at the nearest zoo.

Randy was about to press another button that would have no doubt destroyed the universe when a big red button caught his eye.

"What's that do!" He said and pressed down on the button.

Unfortunately, he didn't know he just pressed the button that Megatron installed to that messes with the others communication circuits.

Know one knows why he made it, But everyone agrees that Megatron has way too much time on his hands.

Or he is simply a raving megalomaniac.

Most vote for the last choice.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"Um guys, I feel weird," Astrotrain said.

The others were yet again in the brooding room.

They had managed to clean the place up well enough, save a few Decepticon heads stuck in the ceiling.

It kind of reminds you of when you make cupcakes in science class and throw the cupcake on the ceiling. And it never comes down, it just sort of, sticks there.

But anyway

"Hey, I feel funny too." Soundwave said.

Starscream looked at everybody.

"Das ist nich gut" he said. 1

Everybody looked at him funny.

"On going what's, hey!" Rumble said.

"For one million dollars, who's going to play...GUESS WHAT'S WRONG WITH US!!!" Astrotrain shouted, sounding like a game show host.

Soundwave looked like he was ready to explode.

All the sudden, he grabbed a large gold chain, threw it over his neck, and leapt to the top of table.

"Yo yo yo, what up my homie dawgs!" he shouted.

Everyone looked confused.

"Allow me to in-tro-duce myself yo!

And all of the sudden, Soundwave began to rap.

"**Yo, my name is Soundwave **

**And I break da laws**

**I write bad words**

**On Autobot halls**

**Yo I have bad beats**

**And I'm really phat**

**And everyone thinks**

**I so mad wack**

**Yo give me rulez**

**And I'll break em' all**

**Touch my gun**

**And it's your downfall**

**But the others seem **

**To get a frown**

**When I bust out**

**My hardcore sound"**

**Word up yo!!"**

Soundwave began to beat box.

Sind die pinguins herum? Starscream asked fearfully. 2

"Silenceyoufools!!" Megatron shouted really fast.

"OMG WTF!1!!1!!#$23$" Skywarp said.

"**Oh, I wonder what's going on!" **Brawl sang.

"Up shut!" Rumble screamed.

"Everyoneshutupnow!!!" Megatron shouted.

"LIK OMG!1!1 WE SHUD LITEN 2 MEGATRON !1!!!:):)" Skywarp yelled.

"Gibber ricca niet bakkne doka" Cyclonus said.

"**What are we gonna dooooo!" **Brawl sang.

"Woof woof!" ****Thundercracker stated.

"LIK OMG!!!11 HOW DID DIS HAPPEN!!!!" Skywarp yelled.

"Yo yo yo, like who's missing dawg" Soundwave rapped.

"For 1500 dollars under the Guilty Party category, Who is the most annoying Decepticon to ever walk Cybertron?" Astrotrain said.

Everyone looked at each other.

"RANDY!!!"

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Randy laughed loudly. 

Buttons!!

He pressed another button.

And another.

He giggled madly.

BAM!

The door blew open revealing some very pissed off Decepticons.

"Hellloooooo!!" Randy gushed.

"Whatthehelldoyouthinkyourdoing!!" Megatron yelled.

"Yo yo, that ain't cool yo" Soundwave said.

The others surrounded Randy.

Randy didn't really care.

He jumped up, did a back flip, and landed outside the circle.

"CAN'T CATCH ME!" He yelled and ran off, giggling like crazy.

"HIM GET!" Rumble screamed.

They all ran after him while British pop chase music played in the background.

Randy giggled as he skipped ahead, throwing flowers everywhere.

Starscream tripped on the flower and skidded into a wall.

Randy, however, spotted a shiny glowing button on the wall.

Acting on impulse, he pressed the button.

FLASH!

All of the D-cons stopped chasing Randy.

They quickly started break dancing across the room as the British pop music turned into hardcore rap music.

Randy found another button.

FLASH!

This time all the D-cons started wrestling as a very crazed Brawl threw chairs at the windows.

FLASH!

All the D-cons started hugging each other while crying like saps watching a sad movie.

FLASH!

This time the D-cons stopped.

They were back to normal!

The danced wildly in joy as the background music changed into a happy uplifting beat.

That is, in till they found out Randy was taping the whole thing.

"I HATE YOU RANDY AND I HOPE YOU DIE!" Megatron screamed.

Randy grinned.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"Will Randy survive the next day?" Said a sharp dressed moose sitting at a desk.

"Will Randy live to see tomorrow?" He continued.

"Find out next week on Randy th-"

All of a sudden, a giant robot foot crashed through the ceiling and crushed the moose to death.

"Sorry!" He called down and continued his way to the ice-cream shop.

* * *

Starscream translations.

1 "That is not good"

2 Are the penguins around??

And for all you people who can't guess what the D-cons are talking like, here's a list.

Brawl: Can't talk without singing

Rumble: Talking backwards

Starscream:German

Megatron: Talks really fast

Skywarp: Forum newbie

Cyclonus: Gibberish

Thundercracker: Dog

Soundwave: Rapper

Astrotrain: Gameshow host

R&R


	4. Randy and sugar don't mix

In a house far far away, the authoress was buried under a foot of schoolwork.

"Ack!" She cried. "I'm goanna get killed for not updating!"

All of the sudden, Randy jumped out of the computer.

"I can save you!" he cried. "And make you a decent cappuccino!"

"Oh thank you!" cried the authoress.

Randy used a flamethrower to set the school work on fire.

The computer blinked and a message appeared.

"Skool iss foor loozers"

LuRve, Megatron.

"Now I can finally update!" The authoress said.

Randy gave her a thumbs up, made her a cappuccino, and leapt back into the computer.

Roll em!

* * *

Randy smiled.

It had taken all night, but he has finally done it.

He had painted the entire base pink.

And he also threw in some squishy purple sofas and some lovely pastel tapestries were tacked on the wall.

He was happy.

So happy he hugged the wall and sneaked back to his room.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Megatron walked out of his room with a headache from yesterday.

He marched to the kitchen, grumbling all the way.

He fumbled around the counter.

"Grumble grumble coffee grumble"

He found some and poured it in his large novelty coffee mug.

"Grumble destruction grumble"

He took a nice long swing.

"Mmmm....caffeinated goodness..."

He enjoyed his coffee in till....

He saw the base.

"OH MY GOD!"

His coffee spilled all over himself.

It turned out to be quite hot.

He yelled loudly, which caused the other Decepticons to run into the room.

"Yo, what up homie!" Soundwave said.

He never really got over the whole "voice switch" incident.

Megatron pointed to the wall with horror.

The rest followed his finger to the pink walls.

Half of them fainted.

The rest stared in shock.

"WHO GAVE RANDY SUGAR!?!" Swindle yelled.

"Yeah, last time he got sugar, was during the dreaded "Noodle Incident" Skywarp said.

_**FLASHBACK!!**_

"_Hey" Randy said. "Whatcha eating Hook?"_

_Hook was munching on a transformers sized pixie stick._

"_Pixie sticks, want one? Hook said._

_Randy took one and ate it._

"_MMmm..these are pretty good!" Randy said._

_He began to vibrate as his optics got rounder._

_Hook backed away in fear._

**"**_**SUGAR!"** Randy screamed._

_He lurched toward Hook like a zombie._

_Hook screamed and ran away._

_He ran into Megatron's room and slammed the door._

"_WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!" Cried Megatron, who was in the middle of building a car model._

"_RANDY'S GONE INSANE!" Screamed Hook._

_Just then, the wall beside them exploded, flinging posters and dirty socks into the hallway._

_There stood Randy on top of a stolen truck filled with packaged Ramen noodles._

**"**_**SUGAR!"** He screamed._

_He flinged handfuls of noodles at random Decepticons._

_The ducked or ran away as Randy pelted them with the dried noodles._

"_**BBBLLLAAAAGGGG!!"** He screeched._

_Megatron used Hook as a shield as he ran for cover._

_Laserbeak__ took a packet of noodles to the head._

_Soundwave ran away screaming as he was pelted with noodles._

_The truck blew up, throwing noodles everywhere._

_Megatron screamed and hid under a sobbing computer console._

"_I hate noodles, I'm allergic to them" It sobbed._

_After a few hours of pain and misery, Randy got over his sugar induced insanity._

"_Sorry about that." He said._

_All of the Decepticons suffered from noodle related injuries._

_Noodles clinged to the ceiling and walls._

_It looked like a wasteland, but with noodles._

"_Laters!" he called._

_Randy wandered off to watch a sad movie._

_**END FLASHBACK**_

The Decepticons shuddered at the horror of "the noodle incident"

"Well, I can't stand having our base pink" Megatron said.

Then all the sudden, a purple duck waddled across the room and jumped out the window.

"Okay....." Megatron said.

"So what do we do?" Starscream asked.

"We get Randy to paint it back...then we go over my MIGHTY plan to destroy the Autobots!" Megatron shouted.

The others shrugged and went off to find Randy.

After they have left, Megatron salvaged as much coffee as he could.

He was most likely going to need it.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"_Oh John!!"_

"_Oh Marsha"_

"_I love you"_

"_I want to be with you forever."_

"_But.."_

"_What is it darling?"_

"_I...I have cancer!"_

Randy sat and watched a movie on the large screen used for transmissions.

He sobbed into a large hanky.

"_I don't care Marsha"_

"_I love you John but...but..."_

"_What is it?"_

"_I'm an alien too! From outer space! Who eats brains!"_

Randy sobbed harder.

Starscream burst in.

"Hey R- OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING!?!"

"It's called, "Love Conquers All" he said.

He held up the cover, which had two people kissing.

Starscream cringed.

"Um, Megatron wants you" he said.

Randy got up and left the room.

Starscream took one look at the screen and shuddered.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"STOP BEING HAPPY!" Megatron yelled.

Randy stood before him with a goofy grin on his face.

"I want you to repaint the base!" Megatron continued.

"And I want it slate grey!"

Randy pondered.

"But isn't that...dull?" Randy said.

"THAT'S HOW I LIKE IT!" Megatron shouted.

Randy shrugged and walked away.

Megatron kicked an insecticon and continued on his way.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"Hey," said Divebomb. "Have you seen Starscream? Megatron called a meeting":

"Nope" replied Blitzwing, who was sipping a cup of coffee.

"I can't find him anywhere!" Divebomb continued.

Blitzwing paused for a moment.

"Did you check the rec room?"

"Yup"

"The Brooding Room?"

"Yup"

"The Transmission room?"

"Nope, I guess I better check there"

Blitzwing waved goodbye as Divebomb left the room.

However, A flying saucer flew into the room and abducted Blitzwing.

Oh well.

Divebomb continued on his way and opened the door to the transmissions room to find...

Starscream watching the movie.

He was crying into a hanky.

"_Oh John, I'm so sorry I had to cheat on you...and devour your brains!"_

"_It's all right Marsha, I don't need brains, plus I love you._

_They kissed._

"_John?'_

"_Yes Marsha"_

"_I have leukemia!"_

___  
_Divebomb snapped a picture.

"Too rich! I can use this for blackmail!" He exclaimed.

Starscream turned around.

"WHY YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SLAG!"

Divebomb giggled and ran out of the room with a very angry Starscream at his heels.

The computer monitor quietly exploded from 3 hours of "Love Conquers All".

But no one really cared.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"See, this is my MIGHTY PLAN!" Megatron shouted.

The Decepticons plus Randy were gathered in a meeting room.

They sat in large rolly chairs as a power point was displayed on the wall.

Megatron grabbed a red dry erase marker and scribbled on the wall.

"See, half of you guys land here and start blowing stuff up"

He drew a big large X on the map of the Autobot base.

"Then the rest of you guys land here and start blowing stuff up"

This time, he drew a large O.

Starscream pouted, like always.

Megatron continued.

"Then me and Soundwave go BEHIND the Autobots and start blowing stuff up."

He drew a B on the map.

"But Meggy-chan, that isn't much of a plan!" Randy protested.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Megatron shouted.

"No" Randy smirked.

Megatron palmed his face.

"But it's my MIGHTY PLAN! It's fool proof!" Megarton said.

The rest nodded in agreement, save for Starscream, who was drawing mean pictures on scrap paper under the table.

Weirdwolf and Scavenger played with paper footballs, with Scavenger being the goal.

Half of the audience were asleep, bored out of there minds.

Soundwave fixed a spinner on his gold diamond encrusted "S" pendent.

"How about we just drop a big ass bomb on the Autobots!" said Skywarp.

The others cheered.

"But, but that isn't nice!" Randy stuttered.

"SHUT UP! We will use MY plan for I am the LEADER!" Megatron shouted.

The rest quickly stopped talking with a meep

Megatron smiled.

"Hey Randy, did you re paint the base?"

"Sure did!" Randy said.

He held open the door.

The rest looked out.

"Wow, only Randy can find a way to make grey bright." Brawl said.

The rest nodded.

Randy had painted the base bright grey, like it was possible.

Megatron growled.

"You suck Randy!" He shouted.

The rest nodded in agreement.

Randy smiled as he hugged everyone.

* * *

NEXT WEEK ON RTSHD!!!

The long awaited scrap between the Autobots and Decepticons takes place! And we find out why Megatron hates Optimus so much! And other things happen.

MISS IT AND BE SAD!!!

Brought to you by the friendly people of the FBI. Mess with us and well remove all traces of your existence.

Have a nice day!

R&R!!


	5. A battle down memory lane

The authoress apologizes for such a long time since the last update.

School sucks.

Alot.

And my teachers are mean.

Oh well.

Roll 'em!

* * *

It was a new day.

The birds were singing and everything was peaceful and jubilant.

A perfect day to blow things up.

"WAKE UP MAGGOTS!" Megatron shouted over the intercom

The others groaned and got out of bed.

"I hate life" announced a random Decepticon.

"Just remember kids! The beatings will continue in till moral improves!" Megatron announced.

"Darn." The Decepticon grumbled.

"This is going to be a LONG day..."

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Randy was in his room, trying to decide what socks to wear today.

He could wear the classic tube socks, or he can wear his extra warm fuzzy socks he got at K-mart.

Or he could also wear those neat toe socks, in till he realized he didn't have any toes.

So many decisions!

Just then, Skywarp poked his head in.

"Meeting in the main control room.' He said.

Randy gave him a hug and skipped happily away.

Skywarp sighed and shook his head.

"He is so goanna die..." he said.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Meanwhile....

The others have all assembled in the control room.

Blitzwing, who was missing before hand, was now huddled in the corner.

"Aliens..." he choked out.

Megatron bent down.

"You've been missing since last night. What happened?" he asked.

"THEY PROBED ME UP THE ASS!" He screeched.

He started to sob.

"The aliens probed me! Now I could be PREGNANT!" He gasped.

He shivered madly.

"PREGNANT WITH ALIENS!!"

He continued to sob loudly.

The others backed away.

"And then came the rats!" Blitzwing continued. "Dirty...dirty...rats...."

The others backed away some more.

Megatron cleared his throat.

"Blitzwing, get yourself some consoling." Megatron said.

Blitzwing shivered.

"They could burst out of my chest at any moment...." He gasped.

"Any second now..."

He started to froth at the mouth.

Megatron backed away.

"Well um...it's time to go with MY AMAZEING PLAN!" He shouted.

"Yay." Said the others monotonously together.

Megatron smiled.

Randy grinned.

Megatron frowned.

"TIME TO GO!" He shouted.

"But, don't you all want to eat breakfast first?" Randy protested.

Megatron gave him a funny look.

"I mean, you can't blow up the Autobots without any breakfast!" Randy shouted.

"Well um uh, I think I am kind of hungry..." Skywarp said.

"Yeah, me too" Astrotrain spoke.

Randy smiled.

"All right, you all can have breakfast, but RANDY CAN'T COOK! Last time he made breakfast he burned down half the base!" Megatron ordered.

"I did not!" Randy protested.

"You did too! And you roasted MARSHMELLOWS on my flaming base!" Megatron shouted.

Randy smiled and gave Megatron a hug.

He growled angrily.

"Let me GO Randy..." he said slowly.

"No!" replied Randy.

"Oh god, this is goanna be a LONG day..." Megatron said sadly.

"That's the ticket." The computer said.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"All right, remember the plan men!" Megatron said.

They were all outside, waiting to attack the base

"What plan?" asked Rumble

"THE SAME ONE AS YESTERDAY!" Megatron shouted.

"Oh yeah..." Rumble grinned.

Megatron rubbed his temples.

"All right, I don't have a catchy "transform and roll out" phrase like Prime dose..." Megatron continued.

"Then make one up!" Randy said.

"AS I WAS SAYING!" Megatron shouted. "Transform and get over there before I shoot you all."

With cries of "TRANSFORM!", most of the D-cons were in their alt modes.

Megatron transformed into his gun mode and jumped into the transformed Starscream's cock pit.

Randy smiled as he transformed into a blue pick-up truck.

He turned on his woofers and stereo at the full max.

Then he cranked up the bass as high as it can go.

Then he played music and sang along as loud as he could.

**"**_**I am really special cuz there's only one of me  
look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me  
when I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song  
it cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long"**_  
  
He started to sing along as he drove with the other Decepticons who weren't airplanes.

**"**_**oh I'm so happy, I can barely breathe  
puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth  
watch out all you mothers, I'm happy, it's hardcore  
happy as a coupon for a $20 whore  
ha-ha-ha hah"**_

The others groaned.

Those lucky enough to be planes only had to turn up their power to drown out the music.

**"**_**I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me,  
happy, good, anger, bad, that's my philosophy  
I am really special, cuz there's only one of me  
Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me  
These are my love handles, and this is my spout,  
but if you tip me over, then mama said knock you out"**  
_

"RANDY SHUT UP!" yelled the angry Decepticons.

**"**_**I am special, I am happy, I am goanna heave  
welcome to my happy world, now get your crap and leave  
I am happy, I am good, I am..."**  
_

Starscream shot a laser beam at Randy, nearly making him go off the road.

"Geeze, they're too old if my music's too loud." Randy grumbled.

He drove toward the Autobot base, humming all the way.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

**Beep **

**Beep**

**Beep**

A shadowy figure leaned in front of the computer in a dark lab.

The monitor showed an image of the oncoming Decepticon onslaught.

He leaned in, just as the computer shut down.

"Damn windows 95!" he cursed as he kicked the computer.

_**KABOOM!!**_

Decepticon artillery rained down, destroying the lab.

"YEEHAW!" Cried Scavenger as he shot left and right.

Megatron transformed and leaped out.

"Remember the plan boys!" he shouted.

Arcee and Wheeljack raced out from the blown up lab.

"Crap! We got a situation!" Wheeljack yelled.

Arcee was dodging Decepticon fire.

"Dance! Dance you pathetic excuse for an Autobot! **_DANNCCEEE!" _**Screamed a demonic Starscream as he shot lasers at her feet.

She frowned and threw a rock at his cockpit.

It hit pretty hard and dented him.

"OW!"

He transformed to his loveable Megatron hating robot mode and rubbed his head.

"Hey, that was uncalled for..." he whined.

Arcee looked at him funny and walked away.

Starscream frowned.

Scavenger laughed.

"How dose it feel to be rejected by a woman Starsceam!" he laughed.

"I swear, she wouldn't even destroy you, and that's SAD!"

He laughed pretty hard.

Starscream glared at him and marched away in a huff.

"Hey, what's your problem?" Scavenger called.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Randy pulled up into driveway, still in pick up truck form.

"Doodeedoodeedoo!" he hummed.

**BASH!**

He backed up into a tree.

"Darn!" he said. "I never did pass Drivers Ed!"

He backed up again, this time hitting the mail box.

He transformed and gazed at the fallen mail box.

"Why would they have a mail box.....out here?" he wondered with a strange look.

He simply dismissed it as a figment of his imagination and continued on his way.

He didn't notice the postcards to Prime from his mother.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Sir sir!!" Cried Bumblebee.

He ran into the secret room were Prime was deciding what to do.

"What is it?" Optimus asked.

"The Decepticons, they...they found the Ener-boose!" He choked out.

Optimus gasped.

"Those BASTARDS! Now what are we going to do on weekends!" he growled.

"Well sir, there is always the hookers!" Bumblebee said.

"Yes....the hookers..." Optimus said slowly.

KABOOM!!

The wall beside them exploded from the force of a powerful gun.

A tall dark figure stepped forward, his features hidden from the dust and rubble in the air.

His face came into to focus, revealing the face of a very smug Megatron.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Randy wandered around the outside of the base.

Megatron forgot that he didn't know his way around yet.

But still, he had a job to do.

He walked on, humming a song.

"GRAAAR!"

Something bashed its way through the wall.

He looked like a giant metal T-rex.

He growled and stomped his large feet into the ground.

"ME GRIMLOCK NO LIKE YOU!" He growled.

Grimlock stomped his way over.

"Aw..." Randy said. "Why don't you like me?"

"ME GRIMLOCK SAY YOU BAD DECEPTICON!" Grimlock shouted.

"Aww, not all of them are bad. Sure, they may be meanies, but none of them are truly bad." Randy replied.

Grimlock scratched his head in thought.

Thinking wasn't his strongest feature.

"Me Grimlock say me don't know?' Grimlock announced.

Randy smiled and pulled out a slightly smashed muffin.

"Muffin?" he asked sweetly.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"I HATE you Prime." Megatron spat.

He advanced on both Optimus and Bumblebee, gun drawn and ready.

Bumblebee screamed and ran away with his arms above his head.

"Thanks A LOT Bumblebee!" Optimus shouted angrily after the fleeing figure.

Megatron smiled.

"I'm going to enjoy this, I never did forgive you for what you did to me!" he rasped.

"But, but I never did anything to you!" Optimus said.

"YOU SO DID TOO!" Megatron shouted angerly.

"No I didn't" Optimus shot back.

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!" Megatron shouted.

_**FLASHBACK!!!**_

_Little Megatron happily walked to school. _

_He was _a state of absolute joy_; he got a brand new gun from his mother and proudly wore it on his arm._

_He didn't mind that he was short for his age, nor the fact that he would one day be evil._

_All he cared about was that today was his first day at school._

_All the sudden, __Ultra Magnus__ and Optimus Primeran up and grabbed his gun from Megatron's arm._

"_Give that back!" Megatron yelled._

_Optimus and Magnus laughed as they played keep away, tossing the gun over the short Megatron._

"_Catch that shorty!" Optimus yelled gleefully._

"_Come on guys, give it! It's my gun!" Megatron cried._

"_Monkey in the middle!" Optimus and Magnus chanted as the continued to play keep away._

_Megatron started to cry as he couldn't reach up to get his gun._

_The others at school started to chant._

"_Crybaby! Crybaby!"_

_Megatron cried hard and ran away from the school._

"_Crybaby crybaby!!"_

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"CRYBABY!" Megatron spat.

"You made me suffer so much Prime, I can't wait to play keep away....WITH YOUR HEAD!" He shouted.

"But, wouldn't I be dead?" Prime asked, confused.

"Yes, you can't really live without your head." Megatron said.

"But, how will I know that your playing keep away with my head if-"

"SILENCE!" Megatron shouted. He began shooting his gigantic gun at Optimus.

Optimus dodged his attacks and grabbed a gun from the rubble.

Megatron growled and threw himself at Optimus.

They both collided and started punching each other.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"Me Grimlock king!" Grimlock shouted.

Both he and Randy were sitting in the shade, munching on some muffins.

"I'm quite sure you are" Randy said between bites.

Grimlock ate a whole muffin in one gulp.

"Me Grimlock wonder why Randy so nice" Grimlock asked.

"Well, I guess because I just am" Randy replied.

They both watched the battle from the hill.

_**KABOOM!**_

A random Autobot exploded from artillery fire.

They both shrugged and went on eating muffins.

Grimlock sat up.

"Me Grimlock kick butt!" he shouted again.

Randy looked at his digital watch.

"Oh yeah, we should really get down there and fight." Randy announced.

They both looked at each other.

"NAH!" They said at the same time.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"JERK!"

"RETARD!"

Optimus swung his fist hard and connected with Megatron's face.

"CHEAP SHOT!" Megatron shouted and kicked Optimus between the legs.

"OOF!"

Optimus went cross eyed as he slumped down on the ground.

Megatron lifted his foot to kick the fallen leader, but Optimus reached up and grabbed Megatron's leg.

Megatron went bug eyed.

"Oh dear..."

WHOOSH!!

Optimus tossed him into a empty barrel.

"TWO POINTS!" He shouted gleefully and held up two fingers.

The barrel exploded as Megatron shot his way out and turned his glowing gun on Optimus.

"OH SH-"

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"There they are! Have at them!" yelled Jazz.

The Autobots raced over in one group and met the D-Cons right in the middle.

They started fighting furiously as hot lead flew all around them.

Explosions ripped through the air and ground as both sides fought to over take the other.

_**BLAM BLAM!**_

Randy marched down with Grimlock following.

"ME GRIMLOCK want battle!" Grimlock said.

"Well, I suppose we out to, it's our jobs." Randy replied.

They both waited for a moment while the battle continued in front of them.

"Meh, I don't really FEEL like fighting today" Randy said.

Grimlock nodded in agreement.

They were interrupted in mid thought as an agonized scream cut through the air.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"Oh god....OH GOD!" Blitzwing screamed.

He body began to vibrate in mid combat.

Some of the fighters stooped and gave him funny looks.

He began to shake madly as he screamed again.

This time, the whole battle stopped.

Megatron and Optimus both had their hands on each others necks.

Starscream had Hot Rod in a headlock.

Blurr was dead, like anyone cared.

He was killed within the first few minutes of battle just to get the guy to SHUT UP once and a while.

Blitzwing yelled as his chest started to push out in the middle, like something was trying to claw its way out.

Both the Autobots and the Decepticons backed away in fear.

They all heard the sound of claws and metal from INSIDE Blitzwing as he screamed in agony.

Blitzwing screamed again as his chest burst open, flinging bits of metal and energon everywhere.

Then a huge alien creature thrusted it's face out into the world.

It screeched with dripping long fangs on an eyeless face.

Blitzwing smiled, now rendered insane.

"I'm, I'm a mommy!" he gushed happily.

"_**HISSSSSS!"**_

The creature screeched and pulled itself out with long strong arms, ending with razor sharp claws.

It launched itself with a cry right at Hound.

"OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD!" Hound screamed as he got a face full of alien fury.

"Oh look, my baby's destroying his first Autobot.." Blitzwing gushed. "I wish I brought along my camcorder..."

Hound screamed as he was eaten head first by the alien being.

Everyone backed up and drew their weapons.

"Sir, should we at least try to save Hound?" asked Jazz.

"Why," said Optimus. "It's not like anyone ever liked him."

The alien finished its metal meal and daintily dabbed its mouth with a napkin.

The alien's face bulged out as a ticking sound in its belly was heard.

And it went faster...

And faster...

And faster...

If it had eyes, it would have bulged out by now.

_**KABOOM!!**_

Alien bits and pieces went flying, covering both the fighting sides.

"What just happened?" asked a very confused Megatron.

Optimus bent down over the remains.

"It's seems that someone planted bombs on Hound." He said.

"I hate Hound." Mirage announced.

"Don't' we all?" said Cliffjumper

Megatron scratched his head in confusion.

"Well um...uh," he stuttered.

"That was, pretty weird..."

Optimus nodded in agreement.

"Well, I guess we better get back to the home base now.." Megatron continued.

"We better go too." Optimus replied.

The Autobots shrugged and wandered back to the base.

When they were gone, Strascream marched up.

"Why did you let them go?" He asked. "You let them get away when we could have **_crushed _**them"

Megatron grinned.

"We won, because we have their ENER-BOOZE!"

The D-cons cheered madly.

And then they marched home in triumph.

* * *

Next week on RTSHD......

Randy and Megatron party, and get some unexpected guests in.....

"_**ATTACK OF THE FANGIRLS..."**_

Coming to a theater near you.

R&R


	6. Attack of the Fan girls

Maniac sat her desk, trying to update because the school sucks and gives her too much homework.

She sat typing away when all the sudden....

"Oh Crap!" she shouted. "The sun is coming up and I keep morphing into a banana!"

Megatron leaped from under the bed.

He pointed and laughed at her.

She growled and shot laser beams from her eyes.

Then Megatron turned into a giant pickle.

"Roll em'!"

* * *

After a night of partying, most of the Decepticons were drunk beyond reason.

Those that passed out first were mercilessly drawn upon with black permanent marker with ice cubes rammed into random places.

Soundwave was DJ as he play phat remixes from his turntable.

"Yo yo we be the fo' shizzle yall!" He rapped.

The computer had a party hat on and didn't sob as hard as it usually did.

Starscream was slightly sobered up, but still a little tipsy.

Randy however, was drunk.

Really, really drunk.

"You is gots a chicken on yur hheaddd...." He slurred as he leaned on Scorponok.

Scorponok tried to get away, but Randy followed.

"It's......it's a FLAMEING chicken....." she said slowly. "And it's....lickin' yur heeaddd......"

Scorponok screamed and ran away as Randy ran after him, running into walls.

"CHICKEN LICKEN'!!" He shouted as he chased after Scorponok.

Megatron sighed.

"The world is going to hell..." he mused over some fresh Ener-booze.

**_DING DONG!_**

A few of the Decepticons suffering from hangovers yelled and grabbed their heads in pain.

"Oh god....IT BURNS!" One shouted.

The party stopped almost instantly.

Someone was at the door?

That was unheard of.

"GRRRR...GET THR DOOR STARSCREAM!!" Megatron shouted.

Starscream grumbled angrily as he stomped to the door.

He opened the door and looked ahead.

No one there.

He looked down to see a....

Human girl?

She was grinning madly, and for some odd reason, she had his face on her shirt.

"OH MY GOD!" She shrieked and threw herself forward.

She latched on to his leg.

"OH MY GOD! I HAVE ALL YOUR ACTION FIGURES! YOU'RE MY FAVE AND I'M THE MOD ON THE "I LOVE STARSCREAM" MESSAGE BOARD!!" She screeched.

Starscream shrieked and flung her off into the sky.

_**Boom!**_

She hit the ground hard a few hundred feet away.

Starscream dusted off his hands as he smirked, thinking he fixed the problem.

He was sadly mistaken.

"OH MY GOD! IT SCREAMMY!" Called a chorus of high pitched voices.

Starscream looked into the horizon and saw a hoard of fan girls rush forward in a mass of human bodies.

He screamed and slammed the door just as a wave of bodies plowed into the door.

Shaking, he locked every lock the door had.

_**BOOM BOOM!**_

Sounds of knocking and muffled screams of girls drifted through the door.

Starscream ran off to warn the others.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Megatron was about to take a big swig of Ener-booze when Starscream burst into the room.

Megatron choked on his Ener-booze in surprise as the party that has resumed a few moments ago stopped yet again.

"OHMYGODWE'REBEINGATTACKED!!!!" Starscream shouted hystericly.

"Slow down..." Swindle yelled. "Your making my head hurt."

"Fan girls....all around me..." Starscream shivered. "SO MANY OF THEM!"

Megatron gasped.

"Oh crap! They found us!" he shouted.

The pounding grew louder.

_**BOOM BOOM!!**_

Megatron gasped.

"Prepare for battle!!" he yelled.

"What he say?" asked a very drunk Randy.

_**CRASH!!**_

There was the tinkle of broken glass...

Then silence.

The "mighty" Decepticons pulled to the middle of the room in fear, shivering.

_**Skitter skitter...**_

They held their breath.

Something was movie toward them.

_**BOOM!**_

The door flew open as wave after wave of fan girls poured into the room.

Megatron screamed as hoards of girls flung themselves at him, all wearing shirts with his face on it.

"HELL FANS!" Megatron shouted.

Soundwave pulled a bazooka from behind his back and blew up a group of fan girls.

How he got it, no one really knows.

The rest pulled out their guns and started shooting like crazy.

The fan girls made a very disturbing squeaking sound as they exploded.

Frenzy screamed in agony as he was viciously devoured by a pack of rabid fan girls.

"WE WUV YOU FRENZY!" The shouted madly as they tore him apart.

Seeing that the battle was going nowhere, Megatron ordered for them to retreat in to the safety of the next room.

"Wait, we need to save the Ener-booze!" shouted Scrapper as he ran from the room.

"NO COME BACK!" The others shouted desperately after Scrapper.

"DON'T BE A FOOL! GET BACK HERE!" shouted Megatron.

"Don't worry, I'll be- URK!" Scrapper gasped as he was jumped by the fan girls.

The others winced and covered their audio sensors as Scrapper's scream reached full volume as he was devoured alive.

"I GOT HIS ARM!" shouted a fan girl.

"YEAH! WE CAN SELL IT ON EBAY!" shouted another.

Megatron sadly shook his head as the door closed, and cut them off from the vicious fan girls.

Then, night fell.

And that isn't a good thing.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

After a few hours of barricading the doors and boarding up the windows, the Decepticons made a sand-bag fort in the middle of the room which they hid in.

They had sobered up greatly, but most were suffering from severe hangovers.

Megatron scowled as they went over how much ammo they had left.

And it wasn't very much.

Some of the Deceptions were mourning the loss of their Ener-booze.

The computer sobbed quietly as it played classical music over the loudspeaker, which didn't help the situation at all.

"All right men!" Megatron announced. "We need to keep our heads clear if we want to survive to see the filthy earth sun yet again." He said.

The others nodded.

"OH CRAP!" Screamed Starscream.

Everyone looked at the windows.

Pairs of blue, green, and brown dots glowed evilly through the cracks in the board.

Scratching noises were heard along with "I have all the action figures" and "I have a tattoo of Megatron on my ass!"

It was disturbing indeed.

"OPEN FIRE!" screamed Megatron.

The Decepticons poured wave after wave of hot lead into the windows, the fan girls exploded as white fluff flew from their heads and splattered against the walls.

The computer played hard rock music in the background, which set a mood of impending doom if this was a movie.

They stopped shooting when they couldn't see the eyes anymore.

But they were out there...somewhere...

"Megatron!" Starscream said. "The hell fans pulled back and I think your sexy-I mean kick ass."

"What was that last part Starscream?"

"Um...you kick ass sir?"

"RIGHT YOU ARE!" Megatron shouted as Starscream breathed a sigh of relief.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

_**A few hours later.....**_

"I spy with my little eye.....something grey." Weirdwolf

"The walls..."Skywarp said plainly.

"Damn! That's the fifth time in a row!" Weirdwolf exclaimed.

"Its because the only thing around IS THE WALL YOU IDIOT!" Skywarp shouted.

Randy hummed happily as he rearranged the sand-bag fort, adding pillows and squishy furniture.

Soundwave was working on a new rap.

_**Tap tap....**_

Soundwave looked around annoying at Thrust who was beside him.

He went back to writing his rap.

_**Tap tap....**_

Soundwave punched Thrust hard in the face.

"Shut the hell up yo!" He shouted angrily.

"What I do? I didn't do anything!" Thrust shouted back.

"You were tapping and annoying Jam Master Soundwave when he was TRYING TO WRITE!" Soundwave shouted louder.

"I....wasn't tapping" Thrust said slowly.

_**Tap tap.....**_

Soundwave went pale.

"If it wasn't you.....and it wasn't me.......OH SHIT!" screamed Soundwave.

The Decepticons looked up at the ceiling.

The air vent was vibrating.

"Yo, dose the vents vibrate on a daily basis?" Slugslinger asked.

"No you idiot, were about to get attacked!" Wildrider as he smacked him in the back of his head.

"OW! WHY YOU-!!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Megatron shouted.

His army grew silent.

_**Tap tap tap tap....**_

They pulled out their weapons and aimed it at the vents.

_**BOOM!!!**_

Fangirls poured forth like water from a broken dam.

"OPEN FIRE MEN!!!" Megatron screamed.

The shot left and fight, some with a bazooka that magically appeared behind their backs.

But their numbers kept coming in waves.

"Good God....their multiplying!" Megatron said with horror.

Exploding heads and squeaking noises filled the air as the Decepticons struggled to keep them back.

Scourge screamed in agony as the fan girls ripped him apart, limb by limb as they prattle on about posting what happened on the "Scourge Lovers" Message board.

Astrotrain threw a grenade over the sand-bag wall.

"INCOMING!!"

_**KKKAAABBBOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!**_

Bodies and fluff flew everywhere as the grenade found its mark.

"Pull back girls!" shouted a girl, with Kickback's picture on her shirt.

They hissed and pulled back, flowing like shadows into the cracks in the wall and ceiling.

The Decepticons will never get a peaceful sleep again.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

_**Yet another few hours later.....**_

After boarding up the windows and ceiling, the Decepticons pulled together and counted their losses.

Ener-booze would be good about now.

The computer announced that the end has come and they might as well accept it.

Though chance.

Randy remained chipper despite the fan girl and Decepticon gore splattered against the wall.

He sprayed some Windex on it and cleaned it off, humming Mozart.

Megatron sighed.

Things were NOT looking very good.

The computer offered to blow the base up, but Megatron told it to shut up.

Having its self-esteem shattered, it sobbed loudly and switched itself off.

"We need.....a PLAN!" Megatron said dramatically.

The other D-cons gave him a funny look.

"No....Freakin'.....DUH!" They shouted.

Megatron shot nasty glares at a few of them.

"SHUT UP!" He screamed.

Everyone went quiet, save for Starscream who was looking at him in a funny way.

Megatron cleared his throat.

"All right, dose anyone have any ideas on how to survive the night?" He asked.

"I say we sacrifice Randy to the 7 gods of chaos and open a portal to the Apocalypse!!" Ramjet said.

Megatron shook his head.

"Ramjet, this is a war, not an angry powerhouse society." Megatron said.

"Lets send Randy out anyway, at least he'll stop trying to put cheerful curtains in my room"****Longhaul suggested.

The rest nodded in agreement.

Megatron left the group and approached the humming Decepticon.

Randy blissfully cleaned, now humming Bachman Turner Overdrive.

"Hey uh...Randy" Megatron asked.

Randy stopped humming for a second.

"What's up Meggy-chan." He said sweetly.

"GRRR!! STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Megatron shouted.

"Oh, don't do that now, you might get a aneurism." Randy advised.

Megatron took deep breaths.

"We have...a plan. And it involves you." Megatron said slowly.

"You mean like the nation wide plan for our cell phones? 'Cause my plan charges too much for long distance...." Randy said as he cleaned.

"NO! Listen! This is a plan to live through the night!" Megatron said.

"Ohhh...." Randy said. "Why didn't you tell me this the first time?"

Megatron gave Randy a funny look and walked away.

"WHAT!" Randy called.

He hummed and began cleaning again.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

_**I'm getting tired of making more "A few hours later" lines.....**_

The Decepticons sat and waited.

**_Skitter skitter_**

They were coming...the evil that was unleashed upon the earth.

Evil glowing eyes dotted every shadow and window...waiting.

Metal fingers tightened on triggers and watched.

A tumble weed could have passed through and use yet another overused movie cliché.

_**Hissssssssssssssssssssss.................**_

Waiting.

Watching.

A few mumbled prayers to send more Ener-booze.

_**SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!**_

The fan girls launched themselves in an onslaught of fury.

The Decepticons opened fire on the oncoming mass of crazed humans.

Exploding heads and screams filled the air.

The computer sobbed and played British pop cartoon chase music, which totally set off the mood.

"NOW RANDY!!" Megatron shouted.

Randy gleefully skipped over the sand-bag fort.

The Decepticons ceased fire, like in the plan.

"Heehee, I bet you 20 bucks Randy gets torn apart Soundwave..." Skywarp said.

"You're on fool!" Soundwave shot back.

All eyes were on Randy.

Randy smiled and skipped over to the mass of fan-girls.

"Wait? HE'S not on any fansites!!" whispered a confused fan-girl.

"Yeah, I think he might be a new Decepticon...." Another said.

"Hello, I'm Randy. And I like yooouuuuu...." Randy shouted.

He grabbed an armful of fan girls and squeezed hard.

They gasped from Randy's crushing hug.

The tried to get away, but no one escaped Randy.

The Decepticons watched gleefully (all but Skywarp) as Randy literally hugged the fan girls to death; their high pitched screams filled the air.

After the carnage, Randy looked around at the dead bodies.

"Oh dear," he said. "I seemed to have hugged them too hard."

The Decepticons cheered madly; finally, the fan girls were dead.

Skywarp sadly handed Soundwave a twenty.

They all looked out the window and saw that the sun was coming up.

"TO THE ENER-BOOZE!" shouted Megatron.

The cheering Decepticons went back to partying and being slackers.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

One fan girl body lay in the bright sunlight.

Her fingers twitched once, and then relaxed slowly.

The fingers gripped the ground as the body pulled itself up wards, evil eyes glistening in the sun.

_**SQUISH!!!**_

She was soon flattened by a giant foot that belonged to Starscream.

He looked at the bottom of his foot in disgust.

"Ewww....." he moaned and scraped his foot on the ground.

Then he continued on, unaware that the flesh was slowly pulling back together.

* * *

NEXT WEEK ON RTSHD!!

Randy gets the other D-Cons to celebrate Halloween.

Spiked punch and Were-Autobots are the norms of a D-Con Halloween.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!!!

R&R, or Randy will beat me.


	7. A Dcon Halloween

Halloween is here! May you all get lots of loot and not get caught pranking someone's house!! And may the Zombies get confused before they reach your house! Maniac.

* * *

Randy hummed happily as he tided up his room.

He glanced under his bed and pulled boxes and other odds and ends from under the bed.

He felt hungry, so he opened a lunchbox he threw under the bed a few years back.

He opened the box and took out the least hairy thing.

Finding that it didn't move for ten minutes, he ate it.

It tasted fruity.

He hummed and picked up his calendar.

"Why look," he said. "It's a week till Halloween, I wonder if the others celebrate it."

He giggled like a mad man and rushed out of the room, turning out the light in the process.

The lunchbox stood open as the food items stumbled out.

After all these years, they have all developed consciousness and brains.

"Oh poor old Bob..." whispered a fuzzy banana.

"Yeah, but now's our chance to escape!!" whispered a fuzzy sandwich.

The bottle of lemonade agreed and the three rolled their way out into the bright world of freedom before getting eaten by passing Ravens.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.

"CanwepleasecelabrateMeggy-ChanPLEASE!!!" Randy jumped up and down with excitement as a bored Megatron sat on his chair.

Megatron rubbed his head.

"Please tell me again why you want us to celebrate this..."Halloween?" Megatron asked slowly.

"Because it's fun!" Randy announced happily.

"No! We are Decepticons! We are NOT suppose to have fun!" Megatron said firmly.

Randy was shocked.

His lip quivered as tears began to form in his optics.

"YOU'RE A MEANIE!" He shouted as tears began to flow.

Megatron remained firm.

"No!" he said.

Randy cried harder and latched on to Megatron.

"I WANNA HAVE HALLOWEEN!" he sobbed.

Megatron growled.

"GET OFF ME!" he shouted and tried to pry the weeping Randy off of his body.

Randy sobbed hard, therefore squeezing harder in the process.

"Okay okay!" Megatron wheezed, "You...can.....celebrate....."

"HORRAY!" Randy shouted, his tears gone in an instant.

He skipped happily off as though nothing happened.

Megatron sighed and shook his head.

Things were going to get crazier.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"See! Halloween is fun!" Randy exclaimed.

He had just gotten finished explaining the whole Halloween process to the other Decepticons.

Astrotrain raised his hand. "So, we dress up as anything we want, go around and get candy, and party." He asked.

Randy nodded. "You got it. There's also the whole "Halloween pranks" during Halloween

The rest murmured in agreement, mostly about the prank part.

"Yeah, we can jump humans and steal their candy!" They whispered excitedly.

Randy frowned, they need costumes.

"Hey, how about I take two other D-cons to the junk yard and bring back stuff to make costumes?"

The others thought it was a fine idea.

Shockwave and Thrust offered to throw together a party.

It was three days in till Halloween, so they had time.

They hoped.

"Lets get cracking!" Randy shouted.

The D-cons went back to their rooms to plan or brood, whatever they preferred.

"HEY MEGGY-CHAN! Were goanna get stuff for costumes! SEE YA LATERS!" Randy shouted.

Megatron sighed and hoped that something heavy would fall out of the sky and crush Randy to death.

But god wasn't that merciful.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Soon Starscream, Soundwave, and Randy were outside.

Both had offered to come along for their own reasons.

Soundwave wanted to find some heavy duty chains for his "bling bling" and Starscream wanted to blow something up.

It was a pretty, clear night and the moon hung full and bright in the star spattered sky.

"Transform!" they shouted.

Randy turned into a lovable blue pick up truck.

Soundwave turned into a nifty boom box and sat on Randy's dash.

Starscream, of course, turned into his jet mode.

And they were off.

Starscream flew ahead and watched out for any Autobots in the area.

Randy and Soundwave cranked up the beats as the truck practically vibrated from the woofers in the back.

That's when the ill beats hit.

"_**Yo yo my name is Soundwave**_

_**I'm cool you ain't**_

**_Cause' I got more rhymes _**

**_Than Picasso got paint_**

**_I'm in your TV _**

_**Late at night**_

_**Cause' I'll steal your honey**_

_**Like I stole yo BIKE!"**_

Soundwave rapped along to the beat.

Starscream sighed as the junkyard rolled in sight.

"Finally!" He announced.

He landed as Randy pulled up.

Soundwave transformed and jumped out.

Then Randy became his ever lovable giant robot self.

He giggled and looked around.

"Hey, get stuff like paint, sheet metal, and cloth." Randy suggested.

Starscream frowned.

"Shut up n00b! I out rank you!" he shouted.

Randy shrugged and walked away.

Soundwave went off on his own and rooted among the junk.

He found an interesting sheet of cloth that could make his costume awesome.

He pulled on it, but it was stuck on something.

He tried to dig it out, but it wouldn't budge.

"DAMN!" He shouted and pulled harder.

That is, in till he heard something moving behind him.

He looked around, seeing nothing but dark shadows and skeletons of cars.

He shrugged and went back to digging.

_**Woosh woosh!!**_

Soundwave turned around angrily.

"Yo!" he shouted. "Who's out there?"

Silence.

Satisfied, Soundwave and tugged some more on the cloth.

Just then, something huge and metallic leapt from behind a mound of dirt and charged.

Soundwave barely had anytime to scream.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Shockwave and Thrust worked hard on making an awesome Halloween party.

Thrust was putting up decorations for the party in two days.

"!#$!!" Shouted Shockwave dropped yet another bowl.

"Dude, it must really suck to have a gun for a hand" Thrust laughed.

Shockwave glared and shot the ladder that Thrust was standing on.

"GLEEP!" He shouted and fell, hitting the floor hard and spilling decorations.

"Damnit Shockwave!" he shouted angrily. "What the hell is your problem?"

Shockwave laughed and went back to cleaning up bits of all the bowls he dropped.

Just then, Soundwave rushed in, panting hard.

He had several dents, nicks and he was covered in dirt and scratches.

He slammed the door and locked the windows, shaking and panting in fear.

Thrust and Shockwave rushed over.

"Dude dude! You okay man!" Shockwave asked.

Soundwave shivered.

"I was getting stuff from the junkyard, and this BIG SOMETHING jumped out and bit me!" he explained.

Thrust and Shockwave looked at each other.

"Well, what did it look like?" Shockwave asked.

"It was BIG and friggin HUGE! Goddamn son! I don't figgin KNOW what it looks like! Soundwave shouted.

Randy and Starscream walked through the door, carrying material in their arms.

"It's a good thing I'm a 4 wheel drive pick up, or this trip would be even- Oh hey Soundwave. Where have you been?" Randy shouted.

"I WAS FRIGGIN MAULED!" He shouted.

"Oh, so THAT'S why we heard screams!" Randy said cheerfully.

Soundwave gave Randy a death glare.

Starscream sighed loudly.

"Let's get this over with..." he droned, tired from digging' in the dirt.

Randy nodded.

"We can call everyone together to get their stuff!"

"Fine." Starscream replied. He dropped his load where he was standing and walked off.

Randy grinned as he dropped his load off too and went outside to get the rest.

Thrust and Shockwave shrugged and walked away.

They turned off the lights, leaving Soundwave shivering and alone in the dark.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Skywarp AND Kickback snuck quietly into the kitchen.

They tiptoed slowly over the tile floor, each clutching a few bottles in their arms.

Skywarp peeked in.

The kitchen was empty of all giant robots.

A large fridge was in the corner.

Motioning for Kickback to come, thy both snuck over to the fridge.

Kickback opened it up, the light cutting across the room and throwing shadows in the corners.

Inside was a half-eaten sandwich, a jar of Mayo, and a large jug.

Skywarp grinned.

Bingo.

They pulled it out and pulled off the top.

Inside was punch, made with sprite soda, strawberry sherbet, and some sugar. (yum!)

They giggled as they poured the contents of the bottles into the jug, shaking it well and placing it back on the shelf.

The deed done, they both tiptoed out, trying to conceal their giggles.

The D-cons were in for a hell of a surprise.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

_**The next day.**_

The D-cons spent the day working on their costumes.

So far, no major injuries happened, which was rare in the D-con base.

Soundwave, who recovered from being mauled last night, was dressed as a rapper with the word "Fubu" and a "01" written on a white jersey.

He also sported a spiky blonde wig and a various rings and gold chains.

"Yo yo yo homie G's!" He announced and beat boxed.

Starscream was dressed as a pirate with an eye patch, vest, sword, and a bottle of Ener-booze.

"Arr." He said half heartedly. "Arr me matey. Arr."

Blarg, I want to SUCK YOUR FLUIDS!!" shouted Mixmaster. He was going as a vampire.

Randy walked out in his costume.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared in shock.

Randy had a pair of butterfly wings on his back.

Butterfly antenna and a crown sat on top of his head.

In his hand he clutched a sparkling wand.

_**Crash!**_

Shockwave dropped another bowl in shock.

"Oh....my.....god." Megatron gasped, who was going as a dictator.

"What?" Randy asked.

"What the hell are YOU suppose to be!" Shouted Thundercracker,

wearing devil horns and tail.

"I'm a fairy!" Randy shouted with glee.

The other D-cons shuddered and refused to come within two feet of him.

Randy smiled happily and danced around the room.

Half of the D-cons fainted.

Randy smiled.

"Is everyone done with their costumes?" he asked.

The others shook their heads yes.

Randy smiled, with a hint of evil in it.

"Let's go over to Primes place and "redecorate". He grinned.

D.D.D.D.D.D

_**Much later...**_

The D-cons arrived at the Autobot base that night.

They grinned evilly as they clutched rolls of toilet paper, eggs, soap, and shaving cream.

Megatron himself was leading the "mission", operation Prank.

He signaled a group of D-cons.

They threw Toilet paper all over the base and trees, making a large mess.

The next signal sounded and a barrage of eggs plastered all over the base.

The third signal sounded and a small group ran forward and soaped all of the windows.

"He he, this is fun!" whispered Starscream as he sprayed shaving cream on the base.

"I know dawg!" Soundwave replied and soaped an entire window.

The D-cons were having a blast.

After a mere half hour, the base was so dirty and horrid looking, they barley recognized it.

"Pull back to the trees men!" Megatron shouted and they hid themselves.

Laserbeak rang the doorbell and flew off to hide.

Optimus opened the door.

"Hello?" he called out.

Then he got a good look at the base.

"j00 H4v b33N OW3D!!" was written in shaving cream on one of the walls.

"YOU DAMN KIDS!" he shouted angrily.

Bumblebee came out.

"Prime! It looks like the work of the Decepticons!" he said.

"Err um.....YOU DAMN DECEPTICONS!" Prime shouted.

The Decepticons giggled and made their way back to the base.

Mission accomplished.

DD.D.D.D.D.D

**_The next day..._**

It was time for the party.

Everyone was in costume and having a great time.

Thrust's and Shockwave's party turned out to be successful after all.

It was mostly because of the finger food.

The punch bowl sat out as the others drank some punch.

Skywarp AND Kickback giggled among themselves, gaining odd looks from the other D-cons.

Megatron took a drink.

It tasted....different.

Ignoring his other thoughts that told him not to drink it, he drank it all down.

Immediately, the room changed colors....twice.

He looked around and saw that most of the other D-cons were just as confused as he was.

"Ooooo....." he said as the walls became multicolored.

A cookie he was eating gained eyes and a mouth and spoke to him.

"Why are you eating me?" It spoke sadly in a high voice. "What did I ever do to you?"

It sniffed.

Megatron looked at it carefully, and ate it.

It made a squeaking sound as it crunched in his mouth.

Mmmm....chocolate chip....he thought and ate another.

Soundwave didn't look to good.

"Hey Soundwave" Randy asked. "Are you okay?"

Soundwave nodded and ate a singing slice of pie.

The room switched colors again, but no one really cared.

They were too busy talking to random food items.

"Dude, that was a great idea to spike the punch!" Kickback grinned.

"Yeah...I am great." replied Skywarp.

"It will wear off after awhile, but this is fun!"

Skywarp pulled out a camcorder and recorded the whole scene.

Megatron was eating cookies by the handful and muttering that they needed to "die".

Shockwave and Cyclonus were both laughing for no apparent reason.

Dragstrip was trying to fly, and being unsuccessful.

It was funny indeed.

Eventually, it wore out of their systems and they went back to normal.

In that time, Skywarp and Kickback acted like nothing happened and stored away the tape to blackmail them later.

And thus, the party resumed.

"Hey," Trust said. "The moon is pretty tonight."

Everyone looked out the window, the full moon hung beautify in the sky.

Randy was aware of an odd sound behind him.

He turned around to see Soundwave acting...strange.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked.

Soundwave growled loudly.

"Hey! No need for that! I was only asking!" Randy protested.

Soundwave growled again, this time attracting everyone else in the room to turn and look.

"Holy!" Megatron gasped between eating more cookies.

The Decepticon logo on Soundwave slowly turned into that of an Autobot's.

His eyes went from red to blue.

He growled loudly and took a step toward Megatron.

Everyone backed up in fear.

With a shout, Soundwave launched himself forward and......

He hugged Megatron.

Megatron was very surprised he wasn't mauled as Soundwave hugged him hard.

"Peace on earth! And may fluffy bunnies fill your lives with happiness!" Soundwave said happily.

Randy bounced up.

"Let's go redecorate the lobby!" Randy exclaimed.

"Oh yeah! We can fill it with squishy furniture!" Soundwave exclaimed, letting go of Megatron.

"And fine art!" Randy bounced.

"And pillows!"

"And cupcakes!"

"And throw rugs!"

"Good god, he's like the twin of Randy!" Megatron gasped.

Soundwave and Randy bounced up and down with glee and ran out of the room.

Everyone was in shock.

"What the hell just happened...." Skywarp asked.

"I guess Soundwave is a wereabutobot...." Thrust said.

Everyone shrugged and went back to the party.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D

**_Next morning....._**

Soundwave woke up with a groan.

He rubbed his aching head.

"What the hell happened last night...."

He finally got aware of his surroundings.

His eyes went wide with horror.

He was among pillows and rugs in........the home section of K-Mart!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" He screamed.

Thankfully he passed out from shock.

Randy walked back with two small rugs.

"What color will match the curtains in the lobby? Blue or pastel green?" he looked down to see a normal Soundwave passed out.

"What's his problem?" Randy huffed.

He picked up the pastel green rug and Soundwave and made his way back to base.

* * *

Next week on RTSHD!!!

The D-cons sent Randy to the Autobots to annoy them to death!!

Will he succeed and drive them to insanity?

Find out on Randy the Sunshine Happy Decepticon!!!

R&R or the mafia will get me.


	8. The world needs less insanity

Much sorrys for the lack of updates.

Special thanks go out to Gromia for the idea for this chapter.

"Roll em!"

* * *

"Are you guys **SURE **this is going to work?" Randy asked. 

He was standing in the middle of a large room.

Starscream and Skywarp were busily cutting out paper and gluing it together.

Finally, they managed to produce a construction paper Autobot symbol, badly cut out.

"Of course it's going to work! The plan is flawless!" Megatron said.

Starscream pulled out a roll of duck-tape and taped the paper symbol over Randy's Decepticon symbol.

Randy smiled.

"Grrr, stop moving Randy!" Starscream yelled.

"No."

Starscream sighed and continued to tape.

"But, Meggy-chan. I know the Autobot's are dumb…." Randy said. "But I'm sure they'll notice this!" he said, pointing to the duck-tape.

"Nonsense!" Megatron barked.

"But…" Randy started.

"IT'S FLAWLESS OKAY!!" Megatron roared.

Starscream shook his head.

Randy shrugged.

"JUST REMEMBER THE FRIGGIN' PLAN!" Megatron shouted.

"What plan?" Randy asked sweetly.

"THE ONE FROM LAST WEEK!" Megatron screamed.

"Oh yeah…."

Randy wiggled with absolute joy as he hugged himself.

Megatron sighed and pointed to the door.

Randy skipped all the way to the door as he smiled brightly.

The door shut behind him and Megatron quickly locked it.

Megatron laughed evilly.

Then he did it again.

"Sir, what exactly did you send Randy to the Autobots for? I don't remember a plan?" Skywarp asked.

Megatron laughed.

"That's the beauty of it! There **is **no plan! I simply sent Randy off to the Autobots to annoy them to death!" He laughed. "Hopefully, they'll destroy each other."

Starscream frowned.

"Sir, I don't think that will work!" he said. "At least strap some bombs to him! That way there's a slight chance of getting rid of the Autobots!"

Megatron turned around.

"Starscream, remember what happened last time when you questioned my authority?" he asked calmly.

"Um, you rubbed salt in my optics…" Starscream shivered.

"Well," Megatron continued. "I suggest you don't question me _or I'll do it again!_"

Starscream went silent and Megatron laughed again.

Starscream pouted and marched away, leaving Megatron to laugh like a skitzo megalomaniac, drawing funny looks from their fellow Decepticons.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D

_**Ding dong….**_

Optimus Prime woke up with a jerk.

He had fallen asleep in front of the TV again; about half a dozen of Ener-booze bottles littered the floor around the couch.

_**Ding dong….**_

He groaned with annoyance and dragged himself up.

_**Ding dong Ding dong….**_

"SLAG!" He shouted and shuffled to the door.

He opened it up a bit and peeked through the crack.

"Who the hell are you", he asked slowly.

With a flash of blue, Prime soon found himself in a crushing grip of a hug.

"IIII LLLIIIIKKKKKEEEEE YYYYOOOOOUUUUUU!!" Randy chirped.

He squeezed harder, causing Prime's optics to bug out of his face.

Prime gasped for breath as the homicidal robot hugged harder and harder.

Randy let go and beamed with happiness.

"Hello!" He spoke. "I'm Randy, the exchange soldier from Cybertron!"

He grinned happily.

Prime rubbed his head and looked at him funny.

"I wasn't told about that…" he mused. "Stupid people…..things…."

He rubbed his head again wearily and motioned with his hand.

"Come on in…." Prime droned.

He ran into the door twice before finally stumbling inside.

Randy followed, about to explode with joy.

Inside, the lobby was a mess.

Broken bottles and discarded Chinese takeout littered the floor.

An over-flowing wastebasket sat in the corner as a bottle of Ener-booze slowly dripped onto the floor.

Randy gasped.

Half of the Autobot team was doing nothing except sit around and get drunk.

Randy pouted.

"_I had no idea they were just a bunch of free loaders…"_ he thought.

Bumblebee stumbled in; he was stoned out of his mind.

He walked up to Randy and leaned on him.

"Hey man…." He slurred. "Tell the green tiger over there to shut the hell up…"

He grinned wildly as he pointed to an empty corner.

A beat….

"SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO BUY YOU TIES!" He shouted.

Randy inched away.

Jazz ran in.

"HEY GUYS!" He shouted. "DID YOU ALL KNOW WHE'RE NAKED!?!"

A few mumbled groans from across the room acknowledged his presence.

Jazz laughed loudly and ran screaming out the door.

"NEKID!!!! HEHEHE! NNAAKKKIIIDDDD!!!" He shouted as waved his arms about his head.

Randy had enough.

Pulling an apron out of a hidden compartment and putting it on, he shooed all of the Autobots out of the room.

He grabbed cleaning supplies from a cabinet covered in dust and set to work cleaning.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

_**Outside….**_

Megatron scowled.

Starscream pouted.

Skywarp hummed into a kazoo.

Megatron lowered the binoculars from his optics.

"Why is Randy cleaning?" He shouted.

Starscream turned around.

"I TOLD you to at least strap a bomb on him!" He shouted.

Skywarp kept humming in his kazoo.

Megatron fumed.

Starscream fumed.

Skywarp hummed louder.

"**_SHUT UP!"_** Starscream and Megatron shouted.

Skywarp went silent, except for a few hums from his Kazoo.

"Where in the world did- never mind…" Megatron pouted.

They both silently crept away from Autobot base.

A lone hum of a kazoo to "99 Red Balloons" wafted slowly over the hills; in till it was violently extinguished will a well placed giant gun blast.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

After a few good hours of cleaning, the base was in satisfactory condition.

Randy made all the other Autobots get up and clean.

They weren't too happy about it.

That is, in till Randy promised them a night on the town with all the hookers and booze they could want.

They changed their minds.

"What Randy say?" Slag said.

"Me Swoop don't know.." Swoop said.

"ME GRIMLOCK SAY RANDY SAID TO CLEAN!" Grimlock shouted.

"Snarl say how do that?" Snarl shot back.

"Me say we sneak out." Sludge suggested.

"ME GRIMLOCK SAY THAT FINE IDEA!" Grimlock roared.

The other Dinobots nodded in agreement.

Slowly, they inched their way across the room and tried to get out by a window.

Slag tried to get through first, but was too large to fit through the window.

Heaving and grunting, the four other Dinobots pushed with all their might, and ended up taking out the whole wall.

_**CRASH!**_

Randy was upon them.

"WHAT A MESS!" He shouted and handed Grimlock a broom.

Grimlock stared at the broom with a puzzled look, and promptly ate it.

"ME GRIMLOCK SAY NEED MORE KETCHUP!" He shouted.

Randy sighed.

"You were suppose to **SWEEP** the floor, not eat the broom! It has **_germs_**!!" Randy exclaimed.

Grimlock looked even more confused as the other Dinobots stood around and whispered to each other.

Randy sighed.

Perceptor danced into the room wearing a top hat and a waving a cane.

"**HELLO MAH BABY, HELLO MAH HONEY, HELLO MY RAGTIME GAL..."** he screeched.

He jumped up on a table and swung his cane about, hitting a few Autobots in the head.

Randy ducked a wild swing.

Cleaning supplies flew everywhere.

Kup ran into the room.

"WHAT THE BLOOMIN' HELL IS GOING ON!" He shouted over the noise.

"**SEND ME A KISS BY WIRE; BABY MY HEART'S ON FIRE!!!" **Perceptor sang.

Optimus woke up from where he passed out on the floor earlier.

He wearily looked up to see that Kup was hurling Windex bottles at the psychotic Perceptor.

He passed out again.

"**IF YOU REFUSE ME, HONEY YOU'LL LOSE ME, THEN YOU'LL BE ALL ALONE…" **Perceptor shouted over the chaos.

The table he was dancing on shattered, sending wood chips flying at Grimlock.

Perceptor jumped up and danced around with his cane.

"**OH BABY, TELEPHONE, AND TELL ME I'M YOUR OOOWWNNNNNNNN!!!"**

Grimlock turned around.

"GRIMLOCK HAVE SPLINTER!!!" He screeched.

Grimlock picked up another table and threw it at the tap dancing robot.

CRASH!!

The table sent Perceptor flying through the opposite wall.

Randy stood there silently as a full out scale battle erupted over the room.

Grimlock picked up a wiggling Mirage and ate him.

Jazz ran around the room, screaming about giant death lasers.

Powerglide and Ironhide had a spirited battle of thumb war.

"Hey, hey guys?" Randy said quietly.

Ratchet screamed as Sideswipe beat him over the head with a tire iron.

Blaster clutched a potato protectively to his chest and fired upon and Autobot unlucky enough to get close to his "child".

Trailbreaker moon walked back and forth between the room, crushing with his foot Wheelie and ending his reign of terror forever.

It did leave a large stain on the floor.

"Guys?" Randy asked.

The noise only increased as Blurr and Wheeljack tried to out-talk each other.

Sunstreaker ran to Sideswipe and helped him beat up poor Ratchet even more.

Cliffjumper ran around the room with his head on body on fire.

He ran into random Autobots as he ran, catching them on fire too.

Randy fumed.

"**_SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN BEFORE I BEAT YOU ALL SENSELESS!!!!"_** Randy shouted.**_  
_**  
The Autobots stared, wide eyed.

Randy coughed and smiled pleasantly.

"That's better." He smiled.

The others looked at each other funny.

Randy continued.

"I'm going away, I had enough of this funny place."

Randy slung a handkerchief tied to a stick over his shoulders and stepped out of the large hole in the wall and out into the sunshine.

He waved pleasantly and walked away slowly into the sunset.

The Autobots looked at each other.

Then the room erupted into violent gunfire as Optimus Prime lay passed out on the floor.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Megatron jumped as Randy opened the door and marched in.

Megatron glared at him and crossed his arms.

"Well, was the mission a success?" He demanded.

Randy smiled.

"Yup, I can say the mission was a success, they were pretty screwed up before I even arrived." He spoke.

Megatron laughed.

Starscream pouted.

Randy giggled.

A can of spam rolled by.

But no one really cared.

* * *

NEXT WEEK ON RTSHD! 

It's Christmas time at the base. Can Randy show Megatron the spirit of Christmas? Find out next week on RTSHD!!

R&R, I know you want to.


	9. Santabot, mistletoes, and Starscream

Merry Christmas fellow TF fans!

I drew Randy for all to see! Just look around in my art site (in my profile) and you'll see all his addictive cuteness!

I asked for a Soundwave and Jazz action figures for Christmas.

I sure hope Santa-bot remembers that I'm good this year.

Lat year I got coal.

For the third time.

There's a special scene inside, just for you Skins Thunderbomb.

"Roll em'"

* * *

Out side the Decepticon base was peaceful.

Small snowflakes danced through the air and made a blanket of snow on the ground.

Everything was crystal clear and beautiful, the kind of stuff you find on a postcard.

The camera zooms in and enters the base.

A voice begins to recite softly.

**_Once upon a time in a Decepticon base_**

_**There lived a ruler with frowns on his face**_

**_He was strong giant robot, a gun toting brute_**

**_He had a nasty attitude and a bad temper to boot_**

The camera focuses on Megatron, who was reading "World Domination for Dummies" by a fireplace.

The voice continued.

**_He always destroyed things left and right_**

_**He would shoot anything that wandered in sight**_

_**With a scowl on his face and a giant gun in his hand**_

_**He ruled his subjects like a large barbarian band**_

_**He didn't like ideas of fun and Christmas at all**_

**_Perhaps it's because his heart is two sizes to small….._**

A small screen on a stick came from the left and magnified the spot on Megatron where his heart would be.

There was nothing there.

Megatron turned around and glared at the camera.

He grabbed the screen, jerking the guy who extended it and threw him in the fire place.

After his screaming died down, Megatron stood up.

"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!?!" He shouted.

"I'm trying to relax and _you _come in with the "heart too small" crap! Your _brain _is two sizes too small idiot!"

Megatron practically fumed with anger.

"**_Fourth wall! Fourth wall!!!"_** The voice urged.

"SCREW THE FORTH WALL!" Megatron shrieked.

He launched himself at the camera, causing it to tip over and fizz to darkness.

A struggling sound was heard, and then silence.

D.D.D.D.D.D

Randy marched down the hallway with a smile on his face.

In his arms was a large cardboard box.

The voice continued.

_**There once a D-con who was happy and good**_

_**He did everything nice like a good robot should**_

_**He liked to make smiles and make everything fun**_

_**In the basket of bad apples, he remained the good one.**_

Randy continued walking down the corridor.

He rounded a bend and almost bumped into Soundwave.

"Hello there Soundwave." Randy said pleasantly.

Soundwave shrugged and kept walking past.

Randy continued on his merry way.

_**He set out to make Christmas, a brave task indeed**_

_**He had to ask Megatron who he was sworn to heed**_

**_But Randy is proficient in winning hard debates_**

_**He was sure to succeed, and make Christmas great.**_

Randy arrived at Megatron's door.

He knocked twice and politely waited for the door to open.

The door flew open with a bang.

Megatron stuck his face out from behind the door.

"What do you want?" He asked.

Randy smiled.

"Can we celebrate Christmas?" Randy asked.

He jumped up and down.

"No." Megatron said firmly.

"But Meggy-chhaaaaannnnn!" Randy whined.

Megatron shook his head.

"PRETTY PLEASE WITH ENERGON ON TOP!" He shouted.

Megatron sighed.

"I want to pummel you SO bad..." He muttered.

Randy gave him a sad look.

"Will you leave me alone if I say yes?" Megatron asked wearily.

Randy nodded.

"Okay, just leave me alone…." Megatron begged.

"I have a big headache…"

Randy giggled with glee and ran off, whooping with joy.

Megatron sighed and shut the door.

D.D.D.D.D.D

"Frosty the Hit-man, Was a very angry soul! With a cigar and a broken nose, and two teeth made out of gold!" sang Shockwave.

He and some other Decepticons were busily decorating the base for Christmas.

Randy, of course, was directing the whole thing.

"Easy now guys!" He urged. "The paper streamers rip easily."

Thrust screamed as he fell of his ladder and hit the ground hard.

"Frosty the Hit-man, Is a horror tale they say. He was made of snow but the people know how he killed them all one day…." Shockwave continued.

"Must he sing that awful song EVERY YEAR!" Roared Thrust.

Randy looked around and snapped his fingers.

"Of course!" He announced. "We need a tree!"

"There's a forest over to the north a few miles away." Thundercraker said. "You can get a few D-cons to go with you and we can get a tree."

"Splendid!" Randy announced. "Who's coming?"

After a few moments of mass confusion, Randy picked Dead End, Longhaul, and Astrotrain.

"But, I don't want to haul the tree…." Longhaul whined.

"Shut up!" Dead End snapped.

Longhaul frowned and crossed his arms.

Astrotrain smirked.

Randy giggled.

"Lets go!" he shouted.

They all transformed into vehicle/jet mode and went off.

D.D.D.D.D.D

_**Ten minutes later…**_

They all pulled up into a large forest.

"TRANSFORM!"

After becoming their lovable robot selves, they walked around a bit and looked at all the trees.

"Get a big one!" Randy advised.

The others shrugged and began to look for a tree.

Dead end pouted and promptly walked off a cliff.

"ARGH!" He screamed as he plummeted to the ground.

Hearing his shouts for help, the other three came running.

"ARE YOU OKAY!" Randy shouted down.

A beat.

"YEAH! BUT YOU BETTER COME DOWN AND SEE THIS!" came the reply.

Randy looked at the others.

The shrugged.

The leaped down the easy not-fall-off-a-cliff way and made it down to where Dead end was.

They gasped.

A pine tree stood, covered in blue/white frost.

It shown with the radiance of diamond, the other tree's made a circle around it on the undisturbed carpet of snow.

The perfect tree.

"SHE'S MINE!" Screeched Astrotrain whipped out a flamethrower and aimed it at the tree.

"Stop!" Randy shouted. "You can't cut down a tree like that!"

"Why not?" Astrotrain said dryly.

"Because! You'll catch the tree AND the forest on fire! Then we won't have a Christmas tree! Plus, there are squishies living over there a few miles west." Randy pointed.

Longhaul giggled.

"Squishies scream weird when they're on fire!" He laughed.

The three D-cons had a nice long laugh before being interrupted by an annoyed Randy.

Randy pulled out an Ax and handed it to Dead end.

"You chop a tree- WHAT THE HELL!!" screamed Randy.

Longhaul had transformed to dump truck mode and ran over the tree, knocking the tree off its trunk and landing neatly on the ground.

"I guess that's ONE way to do it…" Randy moaned.

D.D.D.D.D.D

_**Back at the base……**_

"Dude!" This is SO not a good idea…" Bombshell moaned.

"SHHH!" Dirge whispered.

Dirge was carrying a ladder as they made their way to the middle of the main doorway.

"What? Who really cares about mistletoes anyway?" Bombshell shouted.

Dirge rubbed his head.

"Look," he said. "The squishies hang these up in random places."

"Uh huh."

"And if two squishies walk underneath it, they have to kiss."

"No matter what?" Bombshell asked as Dirge began to climb up the ladder.

"No matter what."

"Dude! What if their both guys?" Bombshell gasped.

Dirge grinned.

"That's the whole point! I'm goanna rig up this camera I got on EBay so we can blackmail the sorry saps later!" Dirge laughed.

"Now, gimmie the mistletoe yo'."

Bombshell held out the mistletoe with his fingers like it was a smelly dead fish ridden with the black plague.

Dirge snatched it away with a scowl and hung it in place.

"Now!" He shouted. "Hand up the camera and the bondage strips!"

Bombshell handed up the camera along with a roll of duck tape.

After fixing the camera in place, Dirge jumped down and grabbed the ladder.

"Now," he said, grinning like a madman.

"We wait for the fireworks to begin."

D.D.D.D.D.D

After about two crushed feet, mild hyperthermia, and a broken tail pipe later, the boys managed to wrestle the tree unto Longhaul and lash it down with some rope.

A very disappointed Astrotrain quietly put his flamethrower away and gazed longingly at the timber around them.

Randy put his hand on Astrotrain's shoulder.

"There there," he said. "I'll let you light up the fireplace when we get back.

Astrotrain giggled with glee.

"Hey guys, it's really cold out here and um……the tree is…really heavy." Longhaul moaned as he drove along.

"Oh suck it up ya wuss!" Dead end spat.

"Awww…." Longhaul whined.

The other walked beside him as he drove along.

**Crack**

They stared at each other in shock.

**Crack**

"WHAT THE HELL!" screamed Astrotrain.

**Snap! Snap!**

Randy looked down to see cracks in the ground.

He looked around to see that there were no trees around that area.

"CRAP! WE'RE ON A LAKE!" Randy shouted.

**CRUNCH!!!**

"OH SNAP!" screeched Longhaul as he fell through the ice.

"THE TREE!" the other three shouted.

Longhaul desperately spun his front tires to keep from falling farther through the ice.

"Thanks a lot for caring about my safety!" Longhaul screamed sarcasticly.

Randy grabbed a hold of Longhaul's front and pulled as hard as he could.

Astrotrain also grabbed a hold followed by a reluctant Dead end.

"PULL!" Randy shouted.

**CRACK POP!!**

"OH SHIT!"

D.D.D.D.D.D

Back at the base, things were looking a little more cheerful.

Much to Megatron's displeasure.

Red and green streamers hung from the ceiling.

Cut out snowflakes dotted the walls.

Those who cut out the snowflakes were in the Med-bay, being treated for mild paper-cuts.

Luckily, no one died.

Yet.

"Santa-bot is co-co-coming to town y-y-yo yo REMIX!" Soundwave rapped.

Lazerbeak and Buzzsaw were flying around, adding streamers and snowflakes to the ceiling.

THUMP!

A dripping wet Randy stumbled in, followed by Astrotrain and Dead end.

They pulled on a rope, pulling a frozen Longhaul with the tree on him into the room.

"Dude! What happened?" Skywarp asked.

"We fell through the iccceee…" Longhaul whined.

"And we had to jump in and save him." Dead end snarled.

Randy smiled.

"At least we saved the tree!" he shouted.

The other Decepticons yelled with joy and rushed down.

They took the tree and ran into another room, leaving Longhaul all alone.

"Guys?" He called out.

Silence.

"I can't mooovvveee…"

D.D.D.D.D.D

After about an hour, the tree was decorated beautifully.

Randy and the others hung their present collection units beside the fire, which the pyromaniac Astrotrain provided.

Santa-bot was coming soon.

After leaving a plate of Ener-cookies and some Ener-booze, the Decepticons went to sleep, in hopes of getting something other than coal this year.

D.D.D.D.D.D

'**_'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Base_**

_**Not a conflict was at hand, not even a chase,**_

**_The present collection units were hung by the tree with care,  
In hopes that Santa-bot soon would be there; _**

The D-cons were nestled all snug in their beds,  
While visions of Arcee danced in their heads;  
With Megatron angry, mean, and ready to snap  
They drugged up his booze to make him collapse.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,  
Megatron sprang with his gun to see what was the matter.  
Up to the window he flew with a sour look on his face

_**He grabbed up his gun and a few plasma grenades**_

_**He looked for those peasky Autobots and their views of world peace**_

_**Always trying to take their stolen Energon while they all tried to sleep  
When, what to his angry optics should appear,  
But a miniature jet, and eight jet-powered tiny robo reindeer, **_

With a crazy robo driver, as he shouted and scoffed  
He knew in a moment it must be Santa-bot  
More rapid than H-bombs with quickness they came,  
And he shouted, and drank booze all of the way.

_**  
So up to the base-top the maniacal robot flew,  
With the sleigh full of weapons, and Santa-bot too. **_

_**As Megatron drew out his gun, and was turning around,  
Down the chimney Santa-bot came with a bound. **_

He was dressed all armor, from his head to his foot,  
And his armor wall battle scared with gashes and soot;  
A bundle of high powered weapons he had flung on his back,  
And he looked like a warrior just opening his pack.

His optics-- how they shown with a deep blue base,  
His was mostly black and red with a large grey face

_**He was tall and muscular, a right scary old elf  
Megatron growled when he saw him, in spite of himself;  
Santa-bot, with a wink of his eye and a twist of his face,  
Pulled out a blowgun and shot him with grace **_

Megatron fell down, he was dead asleep,

_**There was no threats or mumbles, not even a peep,**_

**_Santa-bot spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,  
And filled all the present collecting units, and muttered "jerk"_**

_**And pulling out a laptop and a few key strokes **_

_**Activated his jets and up the chimney he rose;  
**_

**_Megatron woke up an angry and mean spirited 'bot_**

_**He pulled out his gun and tried to get a clear shot**_

_**Santa-bot maneuvered his jet and tried to get by**_

_**But a missile flew up and blew him out of the sky**_

_**The explosion sent Megatron stumbling back in fright**_

_**He hit his head pretty hard and was out like a light**_

_**The only thing remained of Santa-bot as ashes fell through the sky**_

_**Was a few drifting metal pieces and a voice saying…**_

"_**Merry Christmas you jerks and I hope you all die!"**_

D.D.D.D.D.D

_**The next morning…..**_

Randy woke up with a jerk.

"PRESENTS! WEEEEEEEEEEE!" He screeched.

He ran down the halls, screaming as he went.

The other D-cons woke and ran as fast as they could to the tree,

"PRESENTS!" They shouted.

They didn't notice Megatron, still passed out on the floor.

After a few moments of paper ripping action, Megatron finally awoke.

"GRAAAHHH!" He shouted.

No one really paid attention.

"Yay! I got a turntable!" Soundwave shouted.

"WOO! I got book on world domination!" Starscream shouted.

"I got naughty underwear…." Skywarp said quietly.

Megatron sat down and opened his present.

It was a lump of coal.

Again.

"Too bad Meggy-chan! Better luck next year!" Randy said through a mouth full of candy canes.

Megatron got up in a huff and walked to the doorway.

Starscream also got up.

"I'm going to put this away for now." Starscream said.

He walked to the doorway too.

At the doorway, Megatron spotted a penny on the ground.

As he bent down to pick it up, Starscream, who was reading his book, crashed into him.

"WATCH WERE YOUR GOING!" Megatron said.

The entire Decpticon army stared, and then they grinned.

"What?" Starscream spat.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The D-con's exclaimed.

"Look above you!" Randy said, laughing so hard that he had tears in his eyes.

Megatron and Starscream looked up.

The color drained from their faces.

Mistletoe hung above them.

Megatron looked like he was going to cry.

"KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!" The army chanted.

Starscream looked at Megatron.

Megatron looked at Starscream.

"Um…I guess we have to…." Starscream said.

"Yeah, I heard you explode if you don't." Megatron said.

Starscream leaned in.

Megatron leaned in.

kiss

The D-con army cheered and shouted wildly.

_**Flash!**_

Megatron and Starscream gasped.

"**_WHO TOOK THAT PITURE!" _**Megatron roared.

Starscream stood there like an idiot while Megatron chased Dirge and Bombshell around the room.

The D-con army started to sing "We wish you a merry Christmas" as Dirge and Bombshell ran for their lives.

Starscream blushed in secret.

Rumble stood up with a pair of crutches.

"God bless us, everyone!" He said.

**_MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE DECEPTICONS!_**

* * *

NEXT WEEK ON RTHSHD!!

Got a question for a favorite Decepticon? Wanna learn their deepest darkest secret? Then send in a letter by Review or Email for…..

MAIL BAG MONDAY!

Every time you review, a Decepticon gets a new paint job.


	10. Mail Bag Monday

Welcome back to another exciting episode of RTSHD!

I ended up getting the special edition boxed set first season of Transformers G1 for Christmas.

Also, I'm the manager of the C2 community 'Transfunny', a collection of funny TF stories.

If anyone is interested on being on the staff, just contact me.

And without further ado, here's RTSHD!

"Roll em'!"

* * *

Lights.

Very bright lights.

Megatron groaned.

He didn't remember a thing about last night; perhaps he had too much to drink.

The lights were really bright, and didn't really help the headache that was coming on.

He prepared himself before braving his optics open.

He blinked in surprise.

"Oh slag…" he muttered.

The entire Decepticon army was tied down to chairs.

Wires, sporks, and other random metal objects were strapped to their bodies.

Large wires lead to very dangerous looking machines, with a few sparks or two leaping out of random places.

Megatron was frightened.

At last, the army stirred and immediately began cursing enough to make a trash-talking punk blush with shame.

Mixmaster started sobbing hysterically as he wiggled against the ropes holding him down.

Starscream, ironically, was tied down to a chair next to Megatron.

Ramjet grinned like an idiot, lost for words.

A flash of blue.

"YOU!" Megatron spat viciously.

Randy, dressed in a game show suit with a tie, giggled slightly.

He had a mike in his hand.

"Hhhheeellllooooooo Meggy-chan!" He grinned with glee.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Megatron screeched.

He managed to get a good look around.

They all were on a large stage with video cameras and light technicians.

A random guy stood with cue cards.

There was an audience out in front, but he couldn't tell if they were human or Transformer.

Other than that, he just knew he was screwed.

Randy bounced over.

"Hello and welcome to Mail Bag Monday! Were we get fan letters to embarr- grace our one and only Decepticon army with something to do!" He gestured to the struggling D-cons in the background.

"YES!" Randy continued. "And if they try to lie, they receive a nasty shock, about 12,000 volts of it!"

The crowd cheered.

"HOW!" Megatron demanded.

"Oh simple." Randy explained. "I put drugs in your drinks."

"SLAG! That's why my drink tasted funny!" Exclaimed Breakdown.

Randy frowned.

"Wait, the drug is tasteless….." he wondered.

Everyone cringed.

"OKAY! WHO WHIZZED IN THE ENER-COFFEE!" Megatron demanded.

"NOT ME!" screamed the D-con army.

Rumble received a very nasty shock.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!**_

"GAHH! GAHHH!" He screamed as he lit up like a glow stick.

Skywarp giggled madly.

The crowed cheered louder as the shocking stopped, leaving Rumble charred and burnt.

"Oh slag man…" Misfire said with a horrified look.

"Now on to our first question form From: SeekerAutobot13! WHOO!" Randy exclaimed. He cleared his throat and continued.

"**Oiy, Megsy,  
What the HELL is up with you man? You know what you need? Ener-Anti-depressents(Included with letter. They're energon berry flavored). Plus, why do you look like a beetle? Why? You'd look much better as a chinese-style dragon. Or a European-style.. Like that one show that used to be on Fox. You know, 'Twin Dragon Mode'? What happened to that? That was AWESOME! You kicked Prime's ass as a dragon! Or at least go bald."**

Megatron cringed.

"Answer the nice writer Megs." Randy said sweetly.

Megatron glanced at the wires and sighed.

"I don't look like a beetle," **_ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTT!_** " OW DAMNIT! Okay, blame the dude who draws me! As for the dragons, I did look pretty bad ass and stuff, which was on Beast Wars or Beast machines I believe…."

Megatron sighed. "I need medication….."

Randy gave him the Ener- Anti-depressants included in the letter.

"Mmmm…..ener-berry…" Megatron sighed.

Randy giggled as the crowd sang the Canadian national anthem, using only vowels.

"ANOTHER LETTER!" Randy shouted dramatically.

He pulled out a letter and read it off.

"**Dear, Randy,**

**Are you gay?**

**Love, Anonymous"**

Randy cleared his throat.

"Mr. Anonymous, "he grinned. "Just because I am always happy and have a intricate taste for home furnishings doesn't mean I'm gay. I'm straight and stuff."

A woman stood up from the crowd.

"YOU TELL EM BOY!" She screeched and sat down as the crowd cheered.

Randy cleared his throat again

"Dose any of the audience have a question for our bad guys?" he said in his mike.

Rabid fan girls hurled themselves at the stage before being beaten back by Transformer guards dressed like they stepped out of the matrix.

Randy ended up choosing a girl with Drag strip's picture on it.

She grabbed the mike from Randy and screeched loudly.

"LIKE OH MY GOD! WILL YOU SLEEP WITH ME DRAGSTRIP! I LIVE IN PHILLY PA AND MY ADDRESS I-"

Randy grabbed the mike away.

"That's a little too much info, kay" Randy smiled.

"Oh good lord, please kill me now…." Dragstrip moaned.

"Oh, but we're not finished!" Randy grinned.

"But well be back after these messages!" Randy shouted as the camera zoomed in on the D-con's miserable faces.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Jazz walked on screen.

He was dressed in corporate casual, carrying a large box.

"Hi, I'm Jazz." He said. "And I'm here to tell you about Jazz's salt"

He held up the box with the word 'Salt' written on it in yellow crayon.

"Jazz's Salt is the best in the world," he said. "It cures any illness known to man."

Two hot looking girls in bikinis walked over and put their arms around him.

"It gets you the ladies, makes you pretty, and it lets you live forever!" he grinned as the girls giggled.

"It also grants you three wishes!"

Jazz grinned as the girls displayed large boxes with 'Salt' written in various colors of crayon.

A girl dropped a box and rat poison pellets spilled out.

Jazz grinned.

"Buy my salt today and win a million dollars!"

The screen faded.

"WARNING! Jazz's salt may cause itching, bleeding from the eyes and ears, pregnancy in males, massive heart attacks, liver and kidney failure, brain damage and in mild cases, death. Please do not use if pregnant, or alive. Once product is bought, it cannot be returned. Please contact your doctor to see if Jazz's Salt is right for you"

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

A lonely black and white picture was displayed on screen.

It was a picture of a man, dressed in a hat with a feather in it, a cane, and a large fur coat looking sadly into the street.

A voice began to recite softy.

"Just tell your friends you didn't get the money off your hoes so you can all go out for ice cream because you were too busy getting high. They'll understand.

The picture zoomed in.

"Pimping: My Anti-drug.

"NOW BACK TO MAIL BAG MONDAY!

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

"Welcome back to the show!" Randy shouted.

"Here's all that happened the first few minutes!"

A clip was played showing Megatron sobbing, the crazy fan girl, and Rumble being shocked to hell."

"Mean little bastard……" Randy grinned.

"ANYWAY! Time to choose another audience question!"

He choose someone else from the audience.

A large 'gangsta' homie stood up and took the mike.

"Yo Soundwave dawg!" he rhymed, "Where do you get yo' phat beat homes!"

A mike was placed in front of Soundwave.

"Yo yo yo, I get my beats from the struggle of growing up in da' hood G. Robbin' and stealin', shit dawg, I be down with the gansta's fool! I be rappin' like a mo' fo' any day homes!" he rapped.

Everyone cheered.

Randy bounced over.

"ANOTHER LETTER!" He screamed.

The crowd threw instant noodles on stage.

Randy opened the letter.

"This letter is from Skins Thunderbomb!

"**Megatron, why are you so mean to Starscream all the time? Everyone knows you lust for him.'"** He read.

"BRING EM' OUT!" Randy screeched.

The chairs containing Starscream and Megatron were pulled to the front of the stage along with the dangerous looking machine.

Starscream sat there and thought happy thoughts.

"I DON'T WANT TO ANSWER!" Megatron screamed.

Randy tsk tsked.

"Nuuhuh!" he said waving a finger.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!**_

"**OH PRIMUS IT BURNS!"** Megatron screamed.

The crowd started chanting, 'answer it!' at the top of their lungs.

After being shocked for a solid five minutes, Megatron finally cracked.

"OKAY! I THINK HE'S SEXY! MAKE IT STOP!" He screeched in pain.

Starscream blushed.

Randy grinned widely.

"Then, why are you mean to poor Screamer?" Randy asked.

Megatron took a deep breath.

"All along, I realized I was only denying myself that I had true feelings for another." Megatron rasped with tears in his eyes.

"And deep down, I know now, is that I just wanted to feel loved by another."

The crowd burst into tears.

Randy cried into a hanky.

Starscream blushed harder.

"Well folks! That's the end of our show! Keep sending in more letters to appear in Mail Bag Monday!" Randy cheered.

And then, the entire studio blew up in a fiery explosion.

Luckily, the D-cons survived, but the fan girls didn't.

Oh well.

* * *

NEXT WEEK ON RTSHD!

The D-cons get turned into…kitties?

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER EXITEING EPOSODE OF….

RANDY THE SUNSHINE HAPPY DECEPTICON!

R&R, I command you.


	11. Meow?

I don't own Transformers, but I wish I owned Soundwave. Randy however, is my happy pick-up truck Decepticon.

* * *

"Roll em'!"

About one week later…..

Randy smiled happily as he walked down the wide corridor.

He was brimming with inner joy and peace for the world.

He waved at random cockroaches that clinged to the walls and skittered away with the faintest presence of light.

He grinned with pleasure at the rats that miraculously tunneled into solid metal and taken up residence within the base.

He rounded the corner with bounce in his step, glad to be living for another happy day.

He paused.

Earsplitting laughter leaked out of the door to the left.

Randy was curious indeed, the D-cons were usually sulking, sobbing hysterically, or contemplating suicide.

Most often, it was all three.

Nether less, Randy was curious about the drugs they have most likely obtained and why they never bothered to share.

Randy opened the door and peeked in quietly.

Starscream, Thundercraker, Skywarp, and Soundwave were all seated on a couch with a large bowl of popcorn.

They were watching the large monitor in the communications room.

It just happened to be the human evening news.

A sharply dressed smiling woman and man sat at a large desk.

The woman stared out at them.

'_Just in, a large basket of golden retriever puppies seconds away from being adopted explode for no apparent reason'_

_Footage was played, showing a perfectly normal basket of pudgy puppies swarming over each other. All of a sudden, the basket exploded violently in all directions. _

_The whole explosion took a mere 10 seconds._

'_That's right Margaret. Those within the first 8 feet of the puppies were soaked in gore. The internal organs and brain stems were hurled up to 50 feet high before landing on a small girl in the crowd._

'_Scientists are still baffled about how a basket of puppies could possibly explode without any matches or explosives.'_

'_Isn't that a shame Margaret?'_

"_Oh yes George, I wonder how many years of therapy that girl will need after all this.'_

_The two anchormen /woman laughed and smiled._

'_In other news, a bus load of children…'_

The Decepticons burst into hysterical laugher, spilling popcorn all over the clean floors.

Randy barged in and gasped loudly.

"THAT'S TERRIBLE!" He shouted. "Those poor puppies!"

Thundercraker laughed harder.

"I'd pay to see that in person!" He giggled.

Skywarp stuffed popcorn in his mouth at high speeds, but everyone was too busy laughing to notice that he was chocking.

Starscream sipped from a large cherry slushie.

Randy frowned.

"Don't you guys have anything productive to do?" he demanded.

Skywarp was rapidly turning blue as he pointed desperately to his throat.

Soundwave grabbed the remote.

Starscream growled like a savage jungle cat and hurled himself at Soundwave, knocking Thundercraker to the ground.

Skywarp waved his arms wildly as he choked.

"GRRARGH!" Thundercraker shrieked and threw a punch at Starscream.

Randy shook his head and sighed.

Thundercraker missed Starscream, but the punch connected hard to Skywarp's back, dislodging the popcorn and saving his life.

A full blown fight broke out as Skywarp grabbed a chair and bashed it over Soundwave's head as Starscream beat Thundercraker silly with a discarded crowbar.

Randy sighed and left the room.

"Bunch of bloody lunatics." He murmured and went to see what Shockwave was doing.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Shockwave moved with glee as he mixed random chemicals into a mixing bowl.

He was wearing a pair of headphones as he threw whatever he could reach into the large bowl.

_**" I dreamt of a wizard, with a hot guitar. The loveliest magic man, now he's a star!" **_He sang loudly.

He grabbed a few bottles with skulls carefully labeled on the front, warning to others that the product was used to melt doorways in solid metal.

Shockwave dumped the whole bottle in the bowl as he danced around to his music.

**"_I've got 3D stereophonic vision laser love. You're on my TV. I've been stuck in space for such a long time!"_**

A bottle exploded, but he didn't hear or care.

"_**Sorry mum, I'm 5 years late for teatime. Hydroplaning towards infinity. Just some drag queens and me!"**_

He dumped the bowl of random chemicals and added it to a large, evil looking machine sitting in the corner.

**Blip!**

The batteries in his walkman went dead.

"GRARGH!" He shouted angrily and kicked the wall.

"HIYA!" Randy screeched suddenly.

He had stood for the past thirty minute right behind Shockwave without making a sound.

It scared the hell out of Shockwave.

"PRIMUS!" Shockwave shouted and knocked a sickly glowing green bottle into the machine vat, causing the machine to instantly overload.

"Shit shit!" He gasped and ran wildly in a circle, unaware of what to do.

Randy, being bored, ran right behind him, following as he waved his arms above his head.

The machine gurgled as the monitor beside it began to spark and malfunction.

The computer sobbed and booted itself the hell out of there, a smart move for its part.

"Not good, not good." Shockwave moaned.

Randy walked in front of him and held out a slightly stale bakery item.

"Muffin?" he asked sweetly.

_**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!**_

The machine exploded flinging metal everywhere.

Shockwave ducked under a random table and shivered as chemical bottles exploded.

Randy, having been hit in the head with a knob off of the machine, got enough sense to hide under the table with Shockwave.

The machine gave a final lurch before fizzling out in sparks.

Shockwave peeked his head above the table.

It seemed that blue gas was leaking from the machine and dispersing in the air.

Shockwave gasped and ran over to the machine's remains.

"OH NOES!" He screamed as the gas grew thicker.

"I KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Randy shouted and slammed his fist unto the first button he saw.

The air vents above opened up and sucked all the gas from the room into the air system above.

Randy did a victory dance to a song he heard on the radio that morning.

"YOU IDIOT!" Shockwave shrieked. "YOU JUST OPENED THE AIR VENTS!"

"So?" Randy giggled.

"YOU JUST INFECTED THE ENTIRE BASE!" Shockwave screamed.

Randy blinked.

"Hey," he stated. "Why are you all fuzzy?"

Shockwave looked confused before glancing at his hand.

"PRIMUS!" He screamed.

He was furry.

Fur was growing all over his arm and spreading rapidly.

He shook his arm in the attempt to shake it off.

It didn't work.

"Yay! I have cute little ears!" Randy grinned.

It was true, he had cute little kitty ears on his head.

Shockwave gasped and ran screaming out of the room.

Randy glanced around and decided that he liked having kitty ears.

He headed to the kitchen for a sandwich.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D

_**About a few hours later….**_

Megatron was angry.

He was angry enough to take on a Blorganian Bloodbeast from Liftotron 6.

He drummed his paws angrily on the table in front of him.

"What. The. Hell. HAPPENED!" He shrieked.

The Decepticon army was seated on swivel chairs around the table.

They are were, well, cats.

Cute ones to be precise.

They all kept their original colors, but were different species of the **_Felis catus_**, or a house cat.

Thundercraker, who was now a Russian Blue, raised a paw.

"Um," he simpered. "I think aliens did it." He spoke, scratching his chin.

Megatron, who was a Siamese, narrowed his eyes.

"You think aliens did this?" he asked coldly.

Thundercracker nodded happily.

Megatron sighed.

Starscream stood up, who was now an American Shorthair, and sipped from a cup of Ener-booze.

"I blame the media" he stated and sat down.

Skywarp licked himself happily, now that he was a Maine Coon.

Shockwave shivered violently, unable to grasp that he was now a Balinese.

Soundwave, now an Abyssinian, was working on a rap to the 'meow mix' song.

Randy , a giddy Turkish Angora with a big grin on his face, raised a paw.

"Yes?" Megatron spat.

"I think we got quite lucky in the end." Randy smiled.

"And why is that?" Megatron demanded.

"Well," Randy purred. "We could have turned into something more weird looking."

"Yeah," Soundwave stated. "We could have turned into Platypuses yo'."

"DON'T MENTION THOSE! IT'S FORBIDDEN!" Megatron screeched.

Randy looked confused.

"Megatron had a bad experience with a platypus back in 84'." Starscream explained.

Randy nodded.

Astrotrain, now a Persian, raised a paw.

"I say we buy a keg of Ener-booze and drink until we forget about our situation." He explained.

"Hopefully, once we sober up from being plastered, well be cured."

The D-cons nodded their heads in agreement.

Megatron wrote that down on a pad of paper.

"Anymore suggestions?" he barked.

"Let's do nothing." Longhaul the Cornish Rex suggested.

"Let's buy 12 cases of catnip and a box of those squeaky mice." Cyclonus the Scottish Fold shouted.

"I'm goanna look for a cure!" Randy giggled.

Megatron wrote all those down.

"Okay, if you're up for one of the suggestions, say 'aye' when I announce it." Megatron explained.

However, everyone voted for everything.

Megatron sighed.

"Okay, just…do whatever you want. Whoever finds a cure will get um….."

Megatron scratched behind his ear.

"A rubber chicken." he finished.

The D-cons cheered madly and rushed out of the room with high speeds.

Megatron sighed and put his face in his paws.

"I want to die so badly…." he murmured.

No one remained to listen.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D

'_Crikey that's a big ol' croc!'_

_**SNARL!**_

'_Careful there! He's a naughty croc!'_

_**GROWL!**_

'_Now I'm going to get in there and try to wrestle out that bone sticking in his throat.'_

_**CHOMP!**_

'_Crikey he bit off me arm!'_

_**RARGH!**_

_**RRRIIIPPPPPPP!**_

'_Look at him go! Isn't he gorgeous?"_

About half the D-con army was watching TV.

They have simply decided to do nothing in the attempt that the problem will go away after being ignored for long enough.

However, most were distracted by mice around the base.

"Yo' I like chicken and I like liver, Meow mix Meow mix please deliver fool!" Soundwave rapped.

"MOUSIE!" Thundercracker screeched as he pounced on a squeaky rubber mouse.

Everyone else simply got drunk.

Randy padded by with a large box in his fuzzy arms.

Hook the Manx, in a drunken stupor, watch with mild interest.

Randy disappeared into the room and left again.

Hook stared intently at the floor, which rapidly changed colors.

Randy returned with another large box and disappeared into the room again.

Hook quietly passed out.

Cursing and banging noises drifted out of the room, invoking the interest of a few cockroaches.

The roaches' infact gained a consciousness and intelligence after mutating from Megatron's horrid cooking.

The then grew board and scuttled away to their city hidden cleverly under the flooring.

A muffled bang blew the door off its hinges and a soot covered Kitty-Randy collapsed on the floor.

"Now that wasn't….really smart." He wheezed.

He rand back into the room and simply ducked taped the door shut.

The Decepticons happily drank themselves to unconsciousness as Randy toiled through the night.

No one noticed the glow from under the floors as the cockroaches threw a large-scale wild party.

D.D.D.D.D.D.D

Megatron woke up the next morning.

He had a very bad, splitting headache.

He happened to glance down.

His blood froze cold.

He was on a pillow, a fluffy red one to be exact.

He looked down.

What were metal hands before were now soft fuzzy kitty paws.

"**OH MY GOD!"** Megatron screamed as he grabbed his ears.

"**I'M CUTE AND FLUFFY!"** He sobbed.

Bombshell looked over to Cyclonus.

"It usually takes a day for reality to sink in." Bombshell explained.

"Oh." Cyclonus replied.

"**NOOOOO! I WANT TO STRIKE FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF CHILDREN!"** Megatron sobbed.

"**I DON'T WANNA BE A KITTEH!"**

Cyclonus and Bombshell ran away as fast as their four legs could carry them.

Starscream walked over and stared.

"Um…..Randy says he found a cure." He announced.

He stood their while Megatron lay sobbing on the floor.

Starscream pondered for a brief moment before kicking Megatron in the side.

"OUCH!" Megatron screeched and stood up angrily.

"Randy found a cure." Starscream explained.

Megatron growled and marched off in a huff with Starscream beside him.

"Sandwich?" Starscream offered.

Megatron stared at it.

"You didn't poison it, did you?" He asked suspiciously.

"Nope." Starscream replied.

It was a few awkward minutes of silence before reaching the meeting room.

A blue blur raced out and hugged Megatron as hard as it could.

"Meggy-chan is so fluffy and cute!" Randy squealed.

Megatron shook him off, furious.

"So you have a cure?" he demanded.

"Yup!" Randy replied proudly.

He led them both to where the others were seated.

A large, rainbow colored machine stood on the side.

Patches of duck-tape was holding it together.

It didn't look quite safe at all.

Randy dragged Megatron to a bull's eye on the floor and placed him in the middle.

Megatron of course, protested being moved around like this.

Randy handed him some cat nip to silence him.

Megatron sniffed it, unaware of what it is.

His eyes dilated as he started to foam at the mouth.

"Weee! The color green sounds like a girl!" Megatron giggled after smelling the cat-nip.

"Cross your paws!" Randy shouted as he aimed the laser beam at their fuzzy leader.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!**_

Bright white filled the entire room and once their vision returned they managed to get a good look.

An angry looking duck stood where Kitty-Megatron was.

"CHANGE ME BACK!" Megatron quaked.

"Whoops." Randy simpered.

He adjusted the dial on the machine and aimed again.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!**_

This time, Megatron was a buffalo.

Randy tried again.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!**_

He was now a frustrated Walrus.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!**_

Megatron fumed as a puppy dog.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!**_

"GGRRRRR!" Megatron the zebra shouted.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!**_

"I hate you!" Megatron the llama screeched.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!**_

Megatron stood as a lovable, life hating robot once more.

Randy went to zap him again.

"**NO! DON'T DO IT YOU TWIT"** The entire army shouted.

Randy stopped and grinned.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!**_

"Finally! No more hairballs!" Thundercracker shouted.

The D-cons laughed and were very glad to have opposable thumbs once more.

Megatron walked over.

"Randy," he said slowly. "What was in that laser beam?"

"Sunshine and rainbow juice harvested from unicorn land!" Randy shouted with glee.

And then, Iceland blew up.

It was a tragedy for the Vikings.

* * *

Next week!

Can the D-cons hook up two 'certain' D-cons for Valentines Day?

Find out next time on RTSHD!

R&R, because I have no life.


	12. Operation Lovebot

Sorry for the lack of updates. I had to pass my classes or go to summer school. PLEASE DON'T LYNCH ME! Also, RTSHD will be going on a short Hiatus because I will not have computer access for a while.

"Roll em!"

* * *

"EEEEEEEEEEE!" Randy squealed. 

It was Valentines Day, of course.

He ran down the hall with an arm full of paper hearts and pink streamers.

If only he hadn't overslept!

He weaved around random robots before crashing into a wall and knocking himself out.

"Horray! He's dead!" Megatron screeched, who was standing next to the wall.

He did a little victory dance, wiggling his hips to some unheard of song from the 50's.

Not looking where he was going, Megatron accidentally crashed into Starscream, who was staring intently on a piece of lint moving on it's own up the opposite wall.

They fell and ended up in a heap on the floor, with Megatron on top of Starscream.

They both blushed madly, untangled themselves, and ran with great speed to the nearest door.

Starscream, forgetting that the boiler room door was locked, crashed into it and knocked himself out.

It was silent for a few minutes.

Ravage, who was heading to the kitchen for some kibble, calmly stepped over the two bodies and continued on his way.

Dirge and Bombshell stopped, pulled out some markers, and drew on Randy and Starscream's faces before running off, giggling like crazy.

"HACKORZ!" Randy sat up, still clutching the paper hearts.

Starscream also woke up, ran to the same door, and knocked himself out….again.

"Hey computer,"Randy asked as he calmly dusted himself off.

"Can you access the main security tapes and show me what the hell just happened?"

The computer took a while to boot up, following with a sad electronic sigh.

"Why should I care?" It droned. "No one loves me anyway…"

It broke out into sobbing as Randy waited patiently for it to stop.

It sniffed as it continued.

"Okay, I'll bring them up..." it sighed.

With a blip, the screen was replaced with the video feeds from the last half hour.

It showed Randy running into the wall, Megatron falling on Starscream, them blushing….

"HEY!" Randy slammed his fist down on 'pause'.

He snickered at the two.

"Ow…" the computer muttered.

"I have an idea…." Randy mused.

The tape continued playing, showing Dirge and Bombshell's little prank.

Randy gasped.

He looked in a nearby mirror to find 'LOL I'M TEH STUPID!1!' written on his forehead in washable black marker.

"Those bastards!" he growled.

The computer quietly imploded.

D.D.D.D.D.D

The meeting room was in utter chaos.

The entire army was there, except for Megatron and Starscream.

Thrust was sobbing quietly to himself in the corner of the room.

Weird wolf was busily spreading glue on the walls.

"Shut up and sit down!" Randy demanded.

No one really paid attention. They were all too busy watching Wildrider stick a quarter up his nose and pull it out his ear.

Needless to say, they laughed really hard when Wildrider got the quarter stuck in his brain and went into seizures for a good five minutes.

Randy, after a good three minutes of shouting, had to resort to handing out cookies.

After the populous was seated, Randy pulled down a screen from a ceiling.

"Oh goody! A movie!" Skywarp shouted as the lights dimmed.

"You are wrong." Randy spoke. "So very wrong."

An image projector switched to life, displaying an image of Starscream on the screen.

"Do any of you chums know why you're here?" Randy asked as pulled out a laser pointer.

Skywarp stood up.

"Because um… uh….." he fumbled for words. "We're going to um…take over the world?"

"Nope." Randy sighed.

He used the laser pointer to point at Starscream's face.

"This is Starscream," he spoke. "He's in love with this guy."

A picture of Megatron flashed on the screen besides Starscream's picture.

Randy drew a large heart over the two faces with a red marker.

"OH." The room said at once.

"You see, we all KNOW how much they want each other." Randy spoke.

"I don't." Thundercraker stated.

"That's because you suck, and everyone hates you." Ramjet spat.

"YO' MOMMA!" Thundercraker shot back.

"Now, now, don't make me get the hose." Randy spoke.

He gestured to the screen.

"Besides, there are more important things to worry about."

"Like, why can't we just drop a big ass bomb on the Autobots instead of making up elaborate plans that fail half the time?" Shrapnel asked.

"SHUT UP!" the audience shouted.

"Ok."

A saddened Shrapnel sat down again and sobbed loudly.

Randy grabbed another marker and started drawing up the plans.

D.D.D.D.D.D

"Say, do we have any of that garlic bread?" Starscream asked.

"I don't know, I haven't seen any garlic bread." Brawl said.

"Well I could use some garlic bread right now." Starscream mused.

The two walked together to the kitchen, the automatic door opening with a hiss.

Starscream began poking around.

"Are you sure we don't have any garlic bread?" he shouted.

"I DON'T KNOW DAMNIT!" Brawl yelled.

Starscream opened a cupboard to be buried by a wave of roses.

"MRRRH!"

Red roses poured out of the cupboard and covered Starscream in a seemingly endless torrent of flowers.

Brawl just stood there and watched.

Starscream dug himself out, spilling out petals and cursing loudly.

"ALL I WANTED WAS SOME GOD DAMN GARLIC BREAD! ARRGH ARRGH!" He growled.

A single sheet of paper drifted out of the cupboard and landed at his feet.

"What the?"

He picked up the paper with little hearts and rainbows drawn on it.

"_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_When I destroy life_

_I think of you"_

"I, I don't understand…" Starscream wondered.

Brawl stood there and calmly walked out of the room.

"WHERE'S THE GARLIC BREAD!" Starscream shouted.

A single loaf fell out of the cupboard and hit him in the face, causing him to fall on the roses again.

"DAMNIT!"

D.D.D.D.D.D

Megatron was in a sour mood.

So far, the day has gone well, a little _too _well.

He screamed at anyone who passed him about how much he loathed them.

He finally reached his room, kicked down the door, and hurled a wastepaper can at the walls.

Feeling slightly better, he decided to take a short nap.

However, he noticed that a box of chocolate and a single rose was resting on his pillow. A note lay beside it.

Curious, he opened the chocolates as he picked up the note.

"_Blood is read,_

_Corpses are blue, _

_Giant guns are badass,_

_And so are you"_

He rubbed his optics and re-read the note again. He allowed the note to sink in for a moment or too.

He blinked and tasted a chocolate. It just happened to be energon flavored, his favorite. He chewed with glee, and before he knew it, he finished off the entire box.

He ate the last one before flipping over the box to read how many calories there were. He noticed a slight pressure in his throat and a mild itching on his neck. He scratched the itchy spot as he scanned the list of ingredients.

Chocolate, Energon, Peanuts…

He gasped when he came across peanuts.

"OH NOES!" he screamed.

Just then, he broke out in a massive amount of hives.

He choked as his windpipe began to rapidly close. He gasped and struggled, tripping on a bed sheet lying on the ground.

_**BAM!**_

He smashed through his door and out into the hallway, clutching his metal throat. He twitched once before ceasing to move.

Skywarp happily bounced down the hallways while listening to music on his CD player.

"We don't need no Education! We don't need no THOUGHT CONTROL!" He screeched. He tripped violent across Megatron's still form, dropped his CD player, and smashed into the opposite wall, causing the computer stationed there to have a panic attack.

The computer rapidly belted out the national anthem of Scotland before retreating to the cold vast world of cyberspace. It left a digital note stating that it was in fact going fishing.

Anyway….

Skywarp cursed up a storm as he looked for the cause of him tripping. When he saw Megatron, covered in hives and lying motionless on the ground, he did the only thing that he was programmed to do in a situation like this.

He found a sharp stick conveniently placed on the ground and began to poke Megatron with the sharp pointy end.

Getting no response, he poked harder. Finally, he grew bored and gave Megatron a swift kick in the belly.

Megtron gagged and pulled himself to his feet.

Skywarp stared. "Did you get attacked by bees or something? Your head looks a lot more swollen that it usually is."

"_Shut up!" _Megatron wheezed. His allergy to peanuts wasn't as severe as some peoples were, but it still was pretty bad.

"No seriously, your head looks really big. I bet you can cause a solar eclipse. HEY! I went to the store and found a bug. His name was Jimbo and we went skiing in China. WOOO! And then he had to go to this doctor 'cause he itched really bad in his-"

"_SHUT UP!"_

_  
_"Okay okay……. Then we went surfing and this shark asked us how to get to Hawaii but we didn't know so the shark ate Jimbo and somehow contracted an STD in the process and then I-"

_**BOOOOOMMMMM!**_

Megatron lowered his smoking gun.

Skywarp lied a few feet away in a giant crater, smoking slightly from where Megatron blasted him.

A moment.

"AND THEN we went to the mall and hung out with these chicks ya know. They were like, 'DUDE' and I was like, 'OH NOES' and we all laughed and stuff and then-"

No one could hear Megatron's agonizing screams.

D.D.D.D.D.D

**Meanwhile, in the dugout of Operation Lovebot…..**

Randy frowned. The plan was not going so well.

"We need to find a way to bring them together without causing bodily harm." He spoke.

"But bodily harm is fun!" Kickback smirked.

"We want them in love…not dead." Randy shot back. He pouted and crossed his arms.

"Um, let's put something in their drinks…" Shockwave mused.

"Nah, too obvious." Randy said.

"Lets shoot em' with love arrows dawgs!" Soundwave shouted. The other 'Bots cheered their approval.

"You know….," Randy scratched his metal chin, "That JUST might work….SHOCKWAVE!"

"Yes."

"Make me a batch of Love Potion number 9."

"But, that's only a song and a movie, not-"

"I DID NOT HIRE YOU TO QUESTION ME!"

"But, but…I volunteered!"

"Whoops, my bad….you still have to make the potion."

Shockwave stomped off, mumbling under his breath.

A beat.

Randy grabbed a mike and started screaming at the top of his lungs.

"_**I took my troubles down to madam Roue**_

**_You know that gypsy with that gold cap too_**

_**She's got a pact and I'm ready for the rhyme**_

**_Seven little bottles of love potion number nine"_**

"**_SHUT UP!" _**Everyone screamed.

"Sheesh, it's a good song. You guys have NO taste for music!" Randy shouted.

Everyone slowly shook their heads and filed out of the dugout.

Randy pounded on the intercom.

"IS IT READY SHOCKWAVE?"

"_Yes, and you don't have to yell."_

"Okay, listen up. I want you to fill up some shotgun bullets up with the potion."

"_What? Are you crazy?"_

"You heard me, and I'll also need a cupid costume, you know, the weird baby things that fly around and shoot people with love."

"_I know what they are; I guess I'll play your sick game, but only because you have pictures of me dressing up in women's cloths."_

"You bet your sweet ass I do, now chop-chop or you'll see these in the New York Times."

The intercom shut of with a hiss as Randy grinned.

"_**Love potion number nine, OH YEAH!"**_

D.D.D.D.D.D

**Much later…..**

"All right Skywarp," Randy stated, "I left a note in Starscream's and Megatron's room telling them to meet their 'secret admirer' tonight on the roof."

"Yeah, and then what?" Skywarp asked.

They were both standing on the roof of the base. It was a perfect, beautiful night out and the D-con gang was trying one last effort to get Screamer and Megs together.

"You see my teleporting amigo, we are going to set up a fancy dinner up here and let my love bullets take care of the rest." Randy replied.

"Oh I see, where is everyone else?"

"Oh they're setting the plan up. You DO remember the plan Skywarp, right?"

"Uhh…..let me think…..no."

Randy smacked his hand over his face.

"You were supposed to make sure that they will come!"

"Oh, yeah….I remember now." Skywarp said.

Randy sighed. "Just…go and make sure that they'll come."

Skywarp saluted and teleported away. Randy sighed again and began setting everything up for tonight.

D.D.D.D.D.D

**Later, in Starscream's room…**

Starscream read and re-read the note. It simply said that his secret admirer wanted to meet him on the roof tonight. He frowned.

Someone was most likely playing a joke on him, and he didn't feel like getting laughed at again.

"I won't go," he decided out loud. "Besides, MXC is coming on later tonight."

"_**I wouldn't do that if I were you!"  
**_

Starscream jumped. "WHO'S THERE?" he demanded.

He slowly turned around to see a floating sheet, waving in an unseen wind.

"**_I am the ghost of Valentine's Day! I have come to make SURE that you will meet you true love tonight!"_**

"You know, you're just a floating sheet, I don't really thin-"

"**_I AM A GHOST!"_** the sheet shouted.**_ "And I am made from a sheet! I can't help that! All ghosts are made out of sheets!"_**

Starscream stared. "Is that _POUND PUPPIES _on your sheet?"

"_**SILENCE! You will FEAR the puppies unless you go to the roof tonight. FEAR THEM I SAY!"**_

Starscream frowned. "And what are you going to do to me if I DON'T go?"

"**_BEHOLD!"_** the Ghost shouted. A bottle of metal corroding fluid floated in the air.

"Good God!" Starscream cried. "I'll go I'll go! Just don't rust up my pretty face!"

"**_Whooo!"_** The ghost spookily said.**_ "Whoooo! Now go! Or I shall make you sad…I guess."_**

Starscream ran out of the room, screaming like a school girl. The sheet stared, before the sheet ripped off, revealing a confused Sky warp.

He blinked before going off toward Megatron's room.

D.D.D.D.D.D

**Megatron's Room…**

Megatron read the note he found in his room. He scratched his head as he wondered how the person who left the note got past his mutant half-starved vampire piranhas.

He turned to walk away when he smacked headfirst into a giant penguin.

"Ow!" he cried and fell backwards on his behind. He looked upwards, wondering what was slipped into his drink this time.

"**_I am the mighty Valentine's Day penguin of DOOM!"_** the penguin quacked. **_"You WILL meet your secret admirer or I will PECK OUT YOUR EYES! YOU DON'T WANT THAT, DO YOU?"_**

"No, I'd rather not have my eyes pecked out. That would hurt pretty damn badly." Megatron retorted.

"**_SILENCE! You WILL go!"_** The penguin practically withered with excitement. **_"Oh, it is very great fun! They have cupcakes!"_**

"What if I…don't go?" Megatron asked. He stood up and dusted himself off.

"Oh, you will know. And it will not be pleasant, for I WATCH you CONSTANTLY!"

Megatron looked horrified. "Even when I _SHOWER_?" He shrieked.

"**_Yessss."_** The penguin hissed. **_"Now…go! Go to the cupcakes!"_** The penguin ushered Megatron out of the room.

He threw him out of the room before slamming the door shut, cutting Megatron off from his room.

When alone, the penguin turned and gazed into the closet to the left. Skywarp stepped forth, wearing a very tacky penguin costume with one of the eyes missing.

Skywarp glanced up and saw the penguin before him. "I'm too late now huh?" he said.

"**_Yup, sorry about that Skywarp old' chap."_** The penguin stated. He glanced at a watch on his flipper. **_"I'm afraid I must be going. There are plenty of places left to spread my Valentine cheer"_**

The penguin floated out the open window. He turned in midair and waved at Skywarp below.

And then, he was gone.

"GOODBYE PENQUIN!" Skywarp shouted. After a few moments, Skywarp wrote **'Autobot's Rule'** on Megatron's wall before jumping out the window.

Unfortunately, he forgot about the minefield below.

D.D.D.D.D.D

**Later that night….**

Megatron walked onto the roof. I was a very pretty, cloudless night. Every star seamed to be gleaming.

On the center of the roof sat an elegantly decorated table with a fancy dinner set out before them.

Megatron glanced out and was surprised when he saw Starscream walking towards him. They both ran over to each other and began speaking at once.

"YOU'RE MY ADMIRER!"

"WOW! I'D NEVER GUESS!"

Meanwhile, Randy sat, concealed in camouflage as he carefully took aim from a tree. He matched perfectly with the leaves, making him invisible.

He brought up his shotgun and cocked it. He took aim, squinting an optic as his finger squeezed the trigger.

"Taste my **Love** bullets _BEYOTCH!_" He hissed.

_**BLAM!**_

"OW! SOMETHING BIT ME!" Starscream yelled. The shotgun bullet penetrated his backside, leaving a large bullet whole.

_**BLAM!**_

"OH SNAP!" Megatron yelled. He was also shot in the backside.

"Hmmm." Randy mumbled to himself. "Perhaps they need a bigger dose."

_**CLICK-CLICK! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!**_

Randy frowned. "Oh dear, out of bullets. Oh well, my **Love** bullets should have done the trick."

Megatron and Starscream moaned in pain. They were both riddled with bullet holes and it looked quite painful.

Megatron looked up and gazed into Starscream's eyes. "You know," he said. "Your optics take my breath away…"

"This is quite an oxymoron, since we don't really breathe." Starscream retorted. "However," she said, also gazing into Megatron's eyes. "If I did breathe, you would take MY breath away too…"

Without warning, they both started kissing like mad, rolling around on the roof. Randy watched and stood up from the tree.

"OPERATION LOVE BOT IS A SUCSESS!" He shouted.

The entire Decepticon army cheered while Soundwave began to play some sappy music.

While Megatron and Starscream were rolling around and kissing, they failed to notice that they were getting a hair too close to the edge of the roof.

And, they simply rolled off into the minefield.

"OH SNAP!" they cried as they both landed in a tree, which was completely luck on their part. Megatron glanced over to spot Skywarp impaled on a tree limb. Skywarp waved and Megatron waved back.

Without warning, Megatron and Starscream began making out again. "EWWW!" Skywarp shrieked. "That's so NASTY! What are you two doing? Oh good god **WHAT ARE YOU DOING! ARRGH**!"

Skywarp's terrified screams faded slowly into the night. A few fireflies flew by the base and made their way into the sky.

And it was still.

* * *

Next time! Transformer's the musical! 

R&R, or the bunny gets it.


End file.
